


Frozen Over

by spoonfulofsexy



Series: The Troublesome Trio [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Fighting, Flashbacks, Flirting, Fluff, Fluffy, Memory Loss, Pain, Past, Reunions, Sequal, Sexual Tension, Torture, Violence, painful memories, very angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-06-05 02:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6686320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoonfulofsexy/pseuds/spoonfulofsexy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reader is no longer the part of the loved Troublesome Trio.  After losing Steve and Bucky to the war, they made a major mistake.  No longer able to turn back they must accompany the Winter Solider and be Hydra’s little puppet. Will they let the evil take over or will they someday feel the warmth of good again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is the sequel to Troublesome Trio!!! This is will be a bit darker and a lot more angsty so sorry in advance for the future tears and feels! I hope you guys enjoy and please tell me what you think about it!

“Bucky?”

After all those months… years, he was still alive? How was this even possible, you watched him fall off that train. It was the most agonizing thing you have ever witnessed, you had a funeral for him and everything. There’s no way this is real, it’s just physically impossible. 

You continued to slowly limp towards him. Tears brimmed your eyes as you stopped in front of Bucky. He had this emotionless, unreadable expression on his face. He looked at you but it felt like he looked right past you. It was as if you weren’t even there at all, he never even acknowledged you. 

You turned around to look at Dr.Zola for some sort of answer, but all he did was give you a devious smile and waved his hand towards you. When you faced Bucky again, he was still giving you that blank look. You brought up a shaky hand up to his face; you hesitated for a second before placing your calloused fingers against his unshaven cheek. 

You broke down instantly, his skin was warm and scruff scratched your fingers. His jaw tensed up underneath your gentle hands.

“Bucky…. it’s me, (y/n).”, you said in a soft, shaky voice.

He actually made eye contact with you. His eyes slightly widened when he actually looked at your big (e/c) eyes. Those eyes looked so familiar to him. They gave him this weird feeling in his stomach, he felt… safe? He didn’t even know what safety even felt like anymore. All he knew was pain, so even your gentle touches were extremely foreign to him.

Your eyes traveled away from his face and onto his metal arm. Your fingers lightly traced a line to his arm and right when your hand made contact with it, Bucky’s metal hand caught your wrist from going any farther.

“Bucky….relax, I won’t hurt you.” You turned back to Zola. “What did you do to him?”, you asked with anger. His arm once soft and warm was now hard and as cold as ice. This made goosebumps run down your spine.

“We did nothing wrong, we simply helped him”, Dr. Zola said.

“HIS ARM IS METAL! He fought like nobody I’ve ever seen before. YOU MADE HIM INTO A WEAPON!!”, you yelled in outrage. Your fists clenched at your side as you thought about all the pain that he must of gone through.

“Now now, calm down Ms.(l/n). Without us he would only have his right arm, and he could have even died”, Dr.Zola started to walk circles around you like prey.

“Yeah?” you laughed bitterly. “It would probably be better than being what he is now! What did you even do to him? WHY IS HE NOT REMEMBERING NOR REACTING TO ME?!”, your tone was beginning to sound hurt and desperate, exactly the opposite of what you would want in a situation like this.

“Please calm down, I do not want to have him sedate you”, Zola nodded his head towards Bucky. “His name is no longer Bucky or James, he is now the Winter Soldier. We found him when your mighty Steven dropped him off the train. His left arm was gone and he was barely conscious, so we took him in. He is lucky because he is the first to try my experiments and live. He has no place in society, so we decided to make him useful. Now, he is Hydra’s number one asset.” Dr. Zola’s smile sent chills down your spine. 

The entire time he was talking, you just wanted to snap his little neck, but you knew it wouldn’t be a good idea. You had no idea where you were and there were probably tons of guards outside this room. There was an aching pain in your heart caused from the knowledge that Bucky will never be the same now.

“You never answered why he isn’t acknowledging me”, you said through gritted teeth.

“Ah yes, well you see he would not make a very good assassin with memories or feelings, so we simply brainwashed him.”

Your eyes widened in shock, “YOU FUCKING BRAINWASHED HIM?!” That was the last straw, you lunged at Zola and grabbed him by the neck. “HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO HIM! BUCKY WAS A GREAT MAN AND NOW HE’S NOTHING!!” It felt like fire was coursing through your veins as you used all your strength to crush the air out of this monster's body. “You piece of shit, You’re lucky Steve isn’t here or you would be a goner.”

Dr.Zola’s face was beginning to redden and he hopelessly tried to pry your hands off his neck. He wheezed, “The key word is isn’t. Winter sedate her.” 

Before you could react you felt a sharp pain in your neck and your nightmare of a life went dark.

~~~

“Wake up Ms.(l/n)”, a voice evilly sang.

You were being drawn out of the blackness and you were starting to become aware of your surroundings again. Your body felt like it was being held against something so you tried to move but you were restrained. Finally, you opened your eyes and you were welcomed with a bright light in your eyes. The light wasn’t natural and warm like the sun, it reminded you of the doctors and the feeling of coldness.

“How was your little nap?”, Zola teased you.

“Fuck off”, you snarled and pulled at the leather straps holding you down.

“Tsk tsk, that is no way for a lady to speak.” 

Your jaw tightened as you held back a train load of curses. “Why am I even here?”, you asked.

“Well you see, Winter here is going to be assisting Hydra for many years, and we believe it is best he has a handler.” Dr. Zola placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder; he was staring at you blankly ready for orders.

“Why not just different handlers through the years then?”

“Hydra likes consistency, and this way we don’t have to keep looking for a new one. If there is only one handler, then they will have just as much experience as Winter.” 

You laughed coldly, “You want me to be the handler?”

“Yes, you would fit the job perfectly”, he grinned at you.

You laughed like you were insane, “You actually believe that I would work for Hydra willingly, I would rather die.” You spit in Zola’s direction.

“We are not dumb. Of course you wouldn’t want to work for us. Captain America’s little girlfriend working for Hydra, impossible. But we have a way with persuasion fraulein, and it is 100 percent effective.”

Just then some doctors started to pour into the room wheeling in a large contraption. Your eyes tried to observe and piece together what was going to happen frantically.

“Oh don’t be scared”, Zola took your chin into his hand making you look at him. “It’s only going to hurt a little…… or a lot, you can ask Winter.” 

Your heart began to pound in your chest with anticipation, doctors started to hook you up with wires that connected to other machines. “Bucky help me!!”, you pleaded hoping that there was a piece of him still in there.

Winter seemed to react and look your way, but his facial expression didn’t change. It was weird for him, he had this woman who tackled him off a train calling him by a name he has never heard before. OR maybe he has, he couldn’t be to sure. He constantly tried to remember but everything was just fuzzy. His earliest memory is waking up on a table with Dr.Zola operating on him. He hasn’t felt emotions in a long time, but when he looked at you it felt like somebody took his heart and squeezed it like a lemon. He was taught not to feel, would he get in trouble for this? He couldn’t take anymore punishments, no more pain. He wasn’t even allowed to feel pain, so he had to become numb to everything mentally. So why was this random woman making him begin to go against what he has been taught?

“Bucky remember me!? I know you do god dammit!! I loved you!! Don’t you remember that?!”, you must have looked stupid in front of everyone but you didn’t care. If this was the last chance you would get at have your brain to yourself you were gonna use it the way you want.

Your yelling frustrated Winter because he tried desperately to remember but he couldn’t. There was something familiar about you, but not being able to know where from angered him. What is this love that you spoke of?! Love? Is it a good thing? Did he once love you back? Probably not, just the sound of the word love made his stomach twist and feel awful. 

“(Y/n), there is no use to try to reach him, he is gone. He is only Winter now”, Zola stopped you. “Now we are going to brainwash you, but we will keep some things. You will have to take care of Winter and be in charge of him for many years, so we can not make you as blank as him.” He began to hook some wires onto your head. He stood back and went to the controls with the other doctors. “I guess you two were just meant to be”, he said cruelly. 

With that piercing sharp pain traveled through your head. All you could do was scream for help. You continuously called out to Bucky. 

Winter was mentally begging for the pain to end. He couldn’t stand to hear your cries out to whoever Bucky was. He knew it would end soon though, he has gone through the same thing multiple times. When you stopped yelling out for Bucky he knew that you were no longer the same passionate person you were when he first met you on that train.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is also a song fic based off the song (Everybody wants to rule the world - Lorde) hey guys hope you are liking the sequel to The Troublesome Trio!

“ _Welcome to your life._ ” A menacing voice pulled you out of the blackness.  You tried to recall where you were before you opened your eyes again.  You tried so hard to remember, but the more you thought the more you realized how much you didn’t know.  The only thing you knew for sure was how much this didn’t feel right.  The room you were in was cold and whatever you were strapped to was hard underneath you.  The straps holding you down felt rough and worn down, just the little bit of movement stung your tender skin.  Once again the creepy voice whispered in your ear, “ _there’s no turning back._ ”

Finally you opened your eyes to an older looking man in tiny round glasses. There was something familiar to him, actually this whole situation felt familiar.  Thinking about it felt like you were sifting, searching for something in sand.  Every time you thought you were close to something, sand just filled up the spot and you were back to square one. You wanted to speak but your mouth was so dry and your throat felt sore and scratchy.  A tall man with a metal arm came walking towards to wear you were sitting.  There was something about him that put you over the edge.  His stare made you feel nervous as if he were about to hurt you.  

Naturally you panicked and desperately tried to escape from your bonds.  Your skin turned pink from the friction of the leather straps but you had no intention of quitting.  

Winter saw how frightened you got from just looking at him, and he felt a pang of pain in his heart.  You were the closest thing he had to humanity and now you were taken away too.  He knew you were no longer the same but it felt like you were a completely different person.  He no longer felt that warmth when he was in the same room as you or the sense of hope you gave him.  As he got closer to you he could see the tears welling up in your eyes, what he saw was pure terror in your expression.  Winter was just going to untie you from the chair, he had the best intentions but of course you didn’t know that.  

You hopelessly accepted your fate but you were shaking uncontrollably.  You were completely shocked when you felt air touch your sensitive skin that was once held down.  You opened your eyes and a single tear dripped from your eye.  There was the ,once scary, metal armed man releasing you from your discomfort.   Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he gently untied you as if you were made of glass.

“Come you have had a long day, it is time you sleep”, the short accented man turned your attention away from the mysterious man.  You were still trying to process what was going on.  Your mind was racing, you couldn’t find a way to respond.  Your brain and thoughts felt like they were sifted through and erased.  

“KOMMEN!”, the tiny man shouted again.  You didn’t know what it meant but you knew that you shouldn’t waste anymore time, so you got up out of the metal chair.  Your whole body was aching and your head began to pound with pain, but you kept up with the man.  

He led you out of the room and into a desolated hallway.  Everything was concrete and cinder blocks, the doors were large and made out of metal.  It didn’t feel like there was one trace of heat in this building besides the warmth coming off the people’s bodies.  A dozen doors and guards were passed, by the time the man finally stopped.  

“This will be your room”, he said with a welcoming tone.  From how he said it you were expecting a bit more than what was actually presented.  The big door creaked open and your extremely drab room was revealed.  It was pretty dark besides the tiny rectangular window close to the ceiling.  Bright light came through that window and you could even see the dust floating around in it.  There were two beds in the room which confused you;  you looked back at the man with glasses hoping for an explanation.

He let out an amused laugh, “Ah yes you will be sharing the room with Winter.”  He nodded his head towards the man that never left your mind since you first saw him. “Get some rest,” then with an evil smile he said, “you will have a long day tomorrow. Don’t forget, _even while you sleep.  We will find you acting on your best behavior_.”  He left leaving you alone with the man who was named Winter.  You thought that was an odd name for a person, but you didn’t want to point that out.  

You walked towards the bed on the left side of the room and saw a pile of clothes there.  You didn’t even realize that you were practically in rags at the moment.  There was no other place to go so you began to undress in front of Winter.  Winter wasn’t phased by your action, or that’s what he made you believe.  

Really he could feel his heart pick up a pace and he averted his eyes to the floor underneath him.  After a minute he looked up to see you starting to get into the poor excuse for a bed.  It took you awhile to get settled, but once you were your body began to shiver.  Winter noticed your discomfort and began to feel sympathy for you.  He rarely feels this emotion, but when he does he can’t help but let it get to him.  He grabbed the blanket from his bed and walked over to you and stretched out his arm to you.  

You were incredibly shocked at this act of kindness and shyly smiled at him as you took his only blanket out of his hand.  Guilt began to wash over you as you watched him lay down in bed blanket less. You lied to yourself that if he really needed it he wouldn’t have offered it to you.  It would be a temporary relief, just enough for you to be able to go to sleep in peace.

~~~

There was a loud bang that shook your body.  It felt like the whole world was shaking.  You tried to get up but you had no control of your body, it was like you were paralyzed.  The room you were in wasn’t the same one you fell asleep in.  The wallpaper had floral patterns and the floor was made of wood.  The furniture in the room shook violently, and pictures fell on the floor making the glass shatter. You wanted to scream for help but it felt like there was something in your throat.  

Finally, you heard footsteps running towards your room.  The door burst open revealing a tall muscular blonde and a brunette with a charming smile.  Once again you were met with familiar faces that had no names nor memories to you.  

“(Y/N) we’ve been looking all over for you!”, the blonde ran to you and the other one followed close behind him.  

“(Y/N)?”, you asked out loud.

“Doll are you okay? We better get going we’ve got a war going on.”  The brunette grabbed you up out of bed but only to have you collapse on the ground.  

The blonde was panicked when another explosion happened outside, “Bucky take care of her, I need to leave.”

Bucky looked up and nodded with sad eyes, “Be safe Steve.”  

With that Steve left leaving you alone with Bucky.  Those names finally started to ring a bell.  Hearing those names, seeing their faces starting to bring you joy but only to have it followed by the sense of abandonment and pain. “Bucky?”, you said testing the way that name tasted in your mouth.

“Yes, doll I’m right here. We have to get going though it’s not safe here.”

“Why?”, you asked still completely lost.

 _“Everybody wants to rule the world_ , that’s why”, he quickly grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the room. It was complete chaos outside.  There were buildings that were crumbled and some were on fire, occasionally there were gunshots and explosions too.

Your lungs burned from breathing in all the ash and smoke as you sprinted around obstacles.

“Where are we going?!”, you coughed out.

Bucky turned his head slightly towards you, “ _There’s a room where the light won’t find you._ ”

You didn’t think that sounded like a good thing, but you just figured you heard him wrong. The two of you were _holding hands while the walls came tumbling down_.  You pushed your body to the limit trying to outrun the collapsing buildings.  

“People will be coming for you, _when they do I’ll be right behind you._ ” As soon as Bucky said that the world went pitch black. It seemed like you were in your room that you shared with Winter.  Bucky walked into the light that came through your barred window.

“ _So glad we've almost made it. So sad they had to fade it._ ”  Bucky’s appearance began to transform right before your eyes.  His perfectly styled hair grew out long enough to cover his eyes.  His left arm turned into metal and his face looked worn and tired.  He no longer wore a charming smile and the glint in his eye had dulled.  That’s when it hit you that you were now looking at Winter. The last thing he warned to you was, “ _Everybody wants to rule the world_.”  He disappeared and you were left alone in the pitch black room alone.  

You kept hearing his voice over and over again in his head.  It started to drive you mad, different phrases were being said all at once.  Each second the voice got louder and more intense.  Your heart raced and your body shook with anxiety. You didn’t know how much more you could handle.

Suddenly there was a wave of comfort and the voices stopped.  The only thing that was said was, “It’s okay”, and you jolted awake from your slumber.

~~~

Winter watched you fall asleep for awhile.  He didn’t regret giving you his blanket he knew you needed it more than him.  He didn’t understand how you could have gone through what you did and still be able to fall asleep so quickly.  He was just about to doze off into his slumber until he heard you groaning in your sleep.  His eyes opened and you were tossing around in the sheets.  He was about to ignore it just thinking you were a loud sleeper until he heard a little cry.  He hated that noise, it brought him emotions that disgusted him.  Sitting up lazily he rubbed his eyes and made his way over to your bed.  

Tears leaked out of the corners of your eyes and there was a layer of sweat covering your body.  He gently placed a hand on your forehead and started to stroke your hair out of your face.  Good thing there weren’t any cameras in the room or he would get in trouble for showing affection like this. Your cries got louder and he shushed you, “Shh it’s okay.”  

Out of nowhere you woke up breathing heavy, your eyes scanned the room quickly.  It was just a dream, what could it have possibly meant?  As you looked around you locked eyes with Winter, and flashbacks from your dream came back to you.  You looked like a scared lost puppy and Winter knew he had to say something.

“It’s okay, I had a nightmare my first night too”, he said softly.

Your breathing started to slow down and you swallowed the lump in your throat. “Was it about people you didn’t know… but it felt like you did?”

He looked at you sadly, “I don’t know… They wiped my memory after because I started to question them. I recommend you forget the dream yourself before they make you.  Trust me I saw you go through it once, you don’t want to again.”

“Can I trust you?”, you asked timidly.

He was shocked at what you said, and all he did was nod yes.

What he said sent a shiver down your spine, “The man in my dream looked like you.”

“What was his name?”, Winter felt like he knew this answer but he needed reassurance.

“Bucky… is that your name? Winter doesn’t sound like a real name.”

Winter thought very hard. The name brought him back to the first day you were brought here.  You yelled that name at him for hours.  Maybe that was his name, but all he has been called was Winter.  “I don’t know”, he said with a hint of anger in his voice.

You were frightened to push him any further, this was the first time you have ever heard him speak. “I’m sorry,” you apologized.

Something flipped a switch in him and once again Winter started to build a wall around himself.  He left himself too vulnerable to you.  He knew better, he was trained better than this.  He got back in bed and laid so his back faced you.

You were confused by his sudden change in attitude. “Oh okay… thanks for talking.”  You laid in bed constantly thinking about your dream and trying to figure out who those two people were.  The mysterious Bucky and Steve were the two people that you longed to meet again, maybe you’ll have another dream about them.


	3. Chapter 3

5 months of excruciating pain and for what purpose? You didn’t know, honestly you didn’t know what it was like to be treated better anyway. Every day you went through training that drained every ounce of energy out of you. Then you were thrown and strapped to a hard, uncomfortable chair so you could be hooked up to machines and tubes. 

During training you needed to push your body past the breaking point because if you did any less than expected you would get beat and tortured until the idea of giving up would never be an option. The pain after the punishments was unbearable, they would throw you into your cell and you would be left there clinging to life by a thread. You were always too weak to get up so you would just lay on the cold, dirty ground until Winter would come back from what he was doing. 

He’d help you into bed and wash your wounds or just simply give you comfort. Out of that room though, the two of you could never show any sort of compassion towards each other. Your handlers would just electrocute you until you were numbed from any sort of emotion. It took a while for you to get used to the pain, the first 3 months had been a living hell, but everyday you went through it with Winter.

Winter was probably the one thing that kept you from giving up. You knew he had been here much longer than you and the fact that he went through it all alone inspired you to toughen up. You couldn’t leave him to do this alone, and you knew he was no quitter so the two of you would be doing this together. 

Winter became attached to you. Ever since he first saw you in pain he felt the need to protect you, like old instincts. He watched you day by day become more conditioned to believe Hydra were the good guys, that you would be doing things for the greater good. They gave you the same speech they did to him, he knew they were lying but what was he supposed to do about it? 

It killed him every time that he saw you bleeding or crying on the floor. He knew exactly what it was like to be there, you either spoke out, doubted them, or quit; he never asked which one it was. Honestly, Winter never really talked at all. Maybe a sentence here and there, Winter was just used to not having someone to talk to. Every month he saw the light in you become dimmer, he’s afraid for the day when that light blows out; today may be that day. 

You weren’t taken to your usual routine, which frightened you a bit. Did they decide they didn’t need you any more? Were they just killing you off? Your heart was pounding but you didn’t show it. You were trained not to show any fear, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t feel it. Two hydra guards escorted you to the lab room, this room was different than your conditioning one. Dr. Zola was there waiting for you, which was never a good thing.

“Today is a big day for you!”, he said with a creepy amount of enthusiasm. You just let him lead you to a leather medical chair, that had a tray of instruments next to it. You could feel your heart sink when you realized this meant more pain. Zola strapped you to the chair like always. “I have decided that you are ready to take the next step into becoming an asset for Hydra.”

“What… what are you going to do sir?”, you asked hesitantly. You weren’t usually allowed to speak but Dr. Zola was going to let it go.

“Well we have a formula that we will inject into you, and you will undergo trials until your body starts to react to it.” He slid his hand into rubber gloves, making them smack against his skin. He grabbed a large needle filled with neon blue liquid. “Now this will hurt, but it’ll only get worse from here”, he said with an evil grin.

He inserted the needle into the side of your neck, it stung as you felt the liquid going into you. You hissed in pain, and suddenly you started to feel burning throughout your body. Your vision was starting to blur and you couldn’t hear what Zola was saying to you, it sounded like he was trying to talk through a wall. 

Dr.Zola got one of his operatives to smack you across the face since you weren’t answering back to him. What he didn’t know was that you were too far gone, the smack put you right out.

A cold sensation pulled you from your minor coma. Your eyes shot open and you felt water dripping down your face.

“Well look who decided to wake up. Do you feel any pain?”, Zola asked. You knew this was just a rhetorical question so you didn’t answer. “Well your trials begin…. Right now”, suddenly you were grabbed out of your chair, a hand took the back of your head and pushed it into a tub of water that was infront of you. You gasped for air at the last second before your whole head was submerged into water. Right before you were about to pass out from the lack of air they pulled you back out. You wheezed and coughed up water, your throat and chest burned with every cough.

“That was fun wasn’t it?’, Zola laughed. “Well we will do this for an hour or so or until your body shows some sort of abnormality.”

He wasn’t lying when he said you would be doing that for an hour. By the time you were done your chest ached with every breath. You felt as though in the last hour you breathed in more water than air. Your body was exhausted but you were crazy for thinking they would give you a break. “Ok now round two.” A hydra agent put a cloth gag in your mouth to muffle any screams, and kicked you hard in the stomach making you cough up water, then collapse to the ground. “Your body should try to protect itself from these trials making the formula activate, so we will keep doing this till it works.”

You were thrown around like a rag doll, and you were too weak to protect yourself. You mentally begged your body to do something, anything to make them stop.

Another hour of torture and you came out with a few broken ribs a black eye, and cuts. You were ready to give up, maybe just maybe if you let go, it could be all over. The idea of death right now didn’t seem so bad to you. “We will take a little break, good work today fraulein.”

They left you there laying on the ground. You didn’t bother to get up, everything hurt, you weren’t in the mood to put yourself through that. The metal door creaked open and you were about to cry at the idea of going through another test so soon. You squeezed your eyes shut preparing yourself for whatever was about to come but instead you felt a warm hand against your face. You peaked an eye open and the source of comfort was Winter. A single tear left your eye, you were so happy to see his face. 

When Winter saw you on the ground he was about ready to pop Zola’s head off. You didn’t seem awake so he laid a comforting hand on your face so he wouldn’t scare you. He was thankful you opened your eyes because that meant you weren't dead. That single tear broke his heart because he knew how much you must be hurting. There was blood all over your body and dark baseball sized bruises dotted all over you. He didn't know what they were trying to succeed by doing all this and even if he did, he couldn't do anything about it. He wasn't even supposed to be seeing you right now, but he had to make sure you were alive.

“Вы будете в порядке”, Winter said to you, which roughly translated to “you'll be okay.” With the training you’ve had to learn Russian the last few months as well. You understood his endearing words, but you could barely keep yourself awake. “You must keep fighting,” he encouraged. 

Words never really meant much to you before, but now more than ever it was the one thing that could keep you alive. You tried to just focus on Winter’s voice and push away the feelings of pain. It wasn’t the best kind of medicine but it was better than nothing. Sadly, Winter couldn’t stay there with you forever, he had to leave before anyone figured out he wasn’t where he was told to be. 

Winter wasn’t sure if this would be the last time he saw you, but he believed that you could survive whatever was coming at you next. He left you, but took one last look at you before closing the door. His chest felt tight, but he wasn’t sure why, was he worried, sad, maybe he was having a heart attack? Whatever it was didn’t feel right, maybe because it wasn’t right to leave you in those conditions. There was nothing he could do, he can’t start acting out just because of his little feelings. He just tried to brush it off and went to where he was supposed to be.

Dr. Zola came back not to long after, you could tell he already had something up his sleeve. “Your next trial will be a little colder. Do you know what it’s like outside of these walls?”, he hummed in a mocking tone. “Well it’s very cold, so cold you can freeze in minutes. So guess where you will be sleeping tonight?” 

Your breathing hitched in your throat. You would surely die tonight, there was no way you would be surviving this one. You were roughly grabbed, making you cry out in pain. Two men dragged you two the door and Dr. Zola unlocked it. When the door opened, a bone chilling wind blew in with snow. This was it, this would be your last few moments of hell, you weren’t sure if you should be relieved or sad. This meant never seeing Winter again which made tears escape your eyes. Before you knew it, you were thrown into 2 feet of ice cold snow.

With a laugh as the metal door closed Dr. Zola shouted, “Don’t get frostbite!”


	4. Chapter 4

“ ** _Don’t get frostbite_**!”, Dr.Zola’s voice echoed through your head.  

You were left out there to die in the numbing cold.  It was useless to try to get up, there was nowhere for you to go.  The cold made you tired, and your body ached will chills.  You didn’t want to survive the night, it was physically impossible that you would.  In minutes, you were surely to freeze into a block of ice.  

Slowly, you could feel your eyes starting to droop.  You knew that if you closed your eyes now, there was no opening them again.  You would much rather die in your sleep than at the hands of Dr.Zola.  Since you accepted your fate you let your eyelids drop, hoping this would end quickly.

Surprisingly you started to feel warm.  You furrowed your eyebrows as you started to come out of what you thought was a permanent slumber.  There was a painful tingly sensation all over your skin, it felt like little needles were being poked into you.  You figured that you were just getting frostbite, but the odd thing was that you could feel your body again.  It was no longer numb and you weren’t shivering.  There was an absurd thought, that maybe it was no longer snowing and you made it to daytime.  Although if that were true, there was no way that you would still have functioning limbs.

You gently opened your eyes to see what the situation was, but all you could see was white.  Were you blind?!  Panic setting in jolted up from your laying position.  You were in fact, not blind.  You could see the sun rising, making the snow sparkle like glitter.  

Suddenly the tingling enhanced to sharp pains.  A groan escaped your mouth as the aching increased in your hands.  You went to grab your hand but the palm of your left hand came into contact with something sharp.  You looked down in shock, there were icicles growing on your hands as sharp as needles.  It was the oddest thing you have ever seen, and the more panicked you got the faster they grew.  Icicles started appearing on your arms, it looked like you had spikes similar to a lizard.  

Your breathing hitched and you forced yourself to stand.  You couldn’t understand how this was happening to you! It was impossible for ice to grow like that, and the fact that the growing of them was irregular scared you.  

Winter was ordered to go out and get you.  He was nervous to see what was there, he knew that he was most likely going to have to carry your lifeless body it.  There was no way you could’ve survived a harsh night like that, especially in the condition you were in.  He had to hide his sadness as he thought about not having you anymore.  Winter’s breath hitched in his throat as he pulled open the door.  

He was expecting to see your limp body in the snow, but instead you were standing up alive as ever.  He was in complete awe, and completely confused as to how you were perfectly fine.  Your hair was dusted with snow, and his heart jumped when he saw spikes of ice growing on your skin.  

“ty v poryadke?”, Winter said quietly as he slowly stepped towards you.

You didn’t hear Winter come out so when you heard his voice ask if you were okay he frightened you.  The spikes on you grew larger on you when you were suddenly scared, like instead of getting goosebumps your ice grew.  Winter stopped in his tracks and put up his hands in peace.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me”, your voice shook with anxiety. Winter started to make his way towards you again.

“How are you alive?”, he asked.

Your voice shook, “I-I don’t know.”   Then you realized what Zola had said before.  The serum they injected in you was supposed to activate when your body felt like it was threatened of dying.  He didn’t say what was going to happen, so maybe this is how your body reacted to the cold.  “I think this is because of that serum.”

“You are correct!”, Zola’s voice came from behind Winter.  “I’m very surprised you are still alive”, he smirked as he sauntered towards you.  Anger started to build up in your body as you saw him come closer to you. Your fists clenched at you side, creating shaper needle like ice to form on your knuckles.  “I thought the formula was wrong since there were so many failed trials.”  You watched Winter tense up as Zola passed him.

“Stay away from me”, you threatened through gritted teeth.

Zola looked hurt at your hostileness, “Tsk tsk, now is that anyway to thank me for saving your life?”

“Saving my life?!”, you shouted in shock.  You’ve had to hold back what you felt for months now, but you finally feel alive and powerful so you didn’t hold anything back.  “You killed me every day that I’ve been here!” You through your arm to point at the big building that was like your prison.  When you did that spiked flew off your hand with great speed and power.  Some impaled a tree while others broke against the cement building, mimicking the sound of glass breaking.  Both Winter and Zola were shocked by this.  You could feel the strength coursing through your body now.  

Zola put up hesitant hands, “Now now there is no need to be so angry.”

Your jaw tightened, “You have no idea how I feel right now”, you grinned maliciously. Suddenly you leaped forward to attack the little shit.  When you were about to impale him with your ice, Winter stepped in between.  Your body came into contact with his hard chest making the air in your lungs get knocked out.  Winter wrapped his arms around you body to make it look like he was holding you back, but really he was just trying to calm you down.  He knew if you were to kill him now that it wouldn’t benefit you nor him.

Zola patted him on the shoulder, “Good job Winter.”  You looked up at him in betrayal, as he held you tight against him. “Take her inside.”

Winter obliged and carried you in.  You tried to wiggle yourself free, but escaping was futile.  The unheated building felt ten time warmer than outside making your icicles go away.  When Zola went to examine them they were gone.  “Make the ice appear again,” he commanded you.

You tried to do it but, nothing was happening. “I can’t.”

He slapped you across the face. “Listen to me!”, he yelled in anger.

Once again you failed to make them come out. “I can’t control them!”, you shouted back in frustration.

Again Zola smacked you, but this time he did it with more strength making your whole body sway to the side.

“I CAN’T!!!”, you yelled with pure fury.  Having such raw anger made the spiked on you hands to retract outwards.  You felt the tingling sensation and you knew that it happened.

Zola didn’t seem phased by your annoyance, and took your hand. “Incredible.”  He examined each spike of ice. “You will be very useful in the future”, he smiled mischievously.  You looked over to Winter who was observing from the afar.  You hoped that you didn’t frighten him now or seem like a threat.  Dr.Zola was finished looking at the ice, “Your new alias will be Frostbite.”  He grinned at his creative name, “You like?”

Honestly you didn’t really care, but being called that is better that just being a number. “Sure”, you said.  You calmed down ,so once again the ice was gone.

“We will start training tomorrow, I will be kind and give you the day to rest”, Zola said as he walked out of the room.  Before he passed Winter he said, “Keep an eye on her.”

Once Zola closed the door Winter approached you, “I thought you would be dead.”  You could tell Winter was trying not to let his emotions show.

You sighed, “So did I.”  You ran your hands over your face, “They just won’t let me die.”

Winter was silent, he knew exactly how that felt; to be on the brink of death then to be brought back into hell.  “Does it hurt?”, he asked breaking the silence.

You looked at him surprised that he’s ask that, “No….. it did at first.  It just tingles.”  He just shook his head, acknowledging he understands what you meant.   “Are you going to call me Frostbite now?”, you asked trying to keep the conversation.

“Frost”, Winter said.  “I’ll call you Frost.”

“Winter and Frost”, you thought.  “I guess I’m never going to escape the cold.


	5. Chapter 5

Everyday you were put to train your powers and your fighting skills, and every other day you practiced with weapons.  Since you had background memory with fighting you quickly caught on learned moves.  Your powers took awhile to handle, at first you could only use them when stressed or angry.  Now, if you just thought about them appearing they would.  Also, if you were exhausted you wouldn’t have enough energy to create ice, maybe just a little frost.  This gave you an excuse to make them go a little easier on you. Dr.Zola has started training you to become the handler of Winter.  You weren’t to fond of the idea of bossing him around but you would rather it be you than some asshole.

“I’m very impressed with your skills my Frostbite”, Dr.Zola traced a finger against your jawline.  Your nostrils flared as you clenched your jaw trying not to hit the creepy man.  “You have advanced expeditiously in just a month.”  He stopped pacing and stood in front of you, now one last chance before I know I can trust to put you in charge.  “You will be in charge of Winter, his leader, his commander, and partner. With this responsibility you need to be able to control him if he loses himself.”

You were confused as to where he was going with this.  “You need to show me you can handle him if he were to ever… attack you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “What do you want me to do?”

“You will fight him until one of you has been restrained”, he smiled at you.  His smile always gave you an unsettling feeling in your stomach.

“I can’t hurt him on purpose”, you said sternly.

“That is why we temporarily wiped him so that you were a target of his.”, he said casually.

You let out a shaky breath, “You wiped him?”

Zola raised his eyebrows, “Are you worried?”

You bit the inside of your cheek, “It doesn’t matter”, you said through gritted teeth.

Zola hummed, “Yes that’s what I thought.” He walked towards the metal door, “He is waiting for you out there. “  The door screeched open, “Don’t forget, he will kill you if you let your guard down.”

Your heart rate spiked when you heard that.  He was right, Winter would kill you if you let him.  You were his target, since he was wiped he wouldn’t hold back at all.  You can’t let your feelings get in the way of your mission.

The snow crunched under your boots as you stepped out into the cold.  Your eyes scanned every tree and possible hiding spot Winter could be.  You’ve never fought against Winter but you’ve seen him in action, and let’s just say he’s going to be a difficult opponent.  You payed attention to any sound that was made around you.  Slowly you took a step, then paused to scan and listen.  Then another step and repeat the observations.  

You knew he was watching you like his prey, just waiting for the perfect moment to strike.  You heard a branch break from above you, of course you looked up but there wasn’t anything there.  You squinted your eyes suspiciously, and looked back down.  When you did you heard a big thud behind you, you knew it was him so you quickly turned to take defense.  

When you faced him he quickly took a swing at you, but you leaned back so he missed.  You focused your energy to your hand and created an ice blade around it. He didn’t waste another second to attack you.  He was so fast that you could never get your own attack in because you were too busy deflecting his. Your arms burned from the constant use, you got weaker and when you took one second to rest he landed a hard punch right on your jaw.  The power behind it made you collapse to the ground.  He was about grab you from the ground but you froze his feet into place.  You made the ice go all the way up to his knees.

He groaned as he struggled to get his legs out.  He took a knife out of his pocket to throw it at you but threw a blade of ice to knock the knife out of his hand.  You could see the anger and frustration in his eyes.  He clenched the fist of his metal arm and the plates moved closer together.  You gulped nervously knowing what that meant.

The ice around his legs began to crack from his strength.  You ran about ten feet away and made a huge shield out of ice.  This would help you knock him over and maybe even stun him.  You shook your head rid yourself of the exhaustion, and bolted straight for him.  He had just gotten himself free when you came into contact with him.  You knocked him right off his feet and landed on top of him.  Quickly you froze his hands/ arms to the ground and same with his legs.  

He tried to yank himself from under you and escape.  You punched him in the face, “HEY! Calm down.”  He looked at you with an offended expression and continued to violently move under you.  You put both hands on his face to make him look at you.  “Winter look at me”, you commanded.  “You know me!”

“NO I DON’T”, he shouted back at you as he continued to attempt to fight back.

You slapped him across the face to snap some sense back into him. To make him look at you you then grabbed his face with one hand and squished his cheeks. “Winter yes you do”, you said in a calm tone. “Look at my eyes.” You made sure your eyes were directly in front of his.  Winter stared at you in anger but then his face relaxed and his breathing came back down. “Winter, who am I”, you asked.  He was still being held down by you and your ice just for safe measures.

“Frost”, he said coolly.

A defeated smile spread across your face and you collapsed on his chest.  You relaxed and tried to slow your heart rate down. You listened to the snow falling as Winter stayed silent until he said, “Sorry.”

You lifted your head off his chest, “Why?”

“For hurting you.”  Winter stared at the sky above.  While apologizing his voice sounded emotionless and distant, but you knew he was sincere.

“It’s okay…. It was good practice”, you tried to act like he didn’t give you a heart attack.

Winter nodded acknowledging your answer.  The ice holding him down disappeared ,so you offered to get up.  Surprisingly he held you down, “Just a little longer”, he said.

“Okay”, you said in a hushed voice.

~~~

When you got back in Dr.Zola approached you. “Well that was handled well” He crossed his arms, “You seem to make him remember things.”  His voice seemed like he was suspicious of you.  

“Sure”, you tried to play it off.

He squinted his eyes at you trying to read your face.  He hummed, “Well you passed all the tests. You are now his handler from now until you both die fighting for Hydra.”

This was really your life, maybe it should bother you more, but you don’t know what living was really like.  You’ve never been exposed to the world past a 50 foot radius of this hell hole.  All you know is that there are trees and snow for miles.  Winter and you will be partners for years to come, and you had no idea what was in store.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY FUCKY GUYs !! I freaking messed up chapter orders and posted the chapter after this before this one!! frickin heck guys I'm so sorry!! I have no idea how I managed that!
> 
>  
> 
> solnyshko = small sun

Since Winter and you were going to be working together for a long time, you both needed to train together.  Learn how each one worked and how far you could push each other.  You needed to know when the other was going to break.  That part must be easy for Winter, since you still conveyed some kind of emotion, but for you it was impossible.  Well first of all Winter never looked like he was going to give up; it was like he was invincible or he was already broken.

It’s been a year since your arrival, you don’t even know how long Winter has been here.  Living here felt like prison.  You were told when to eat, when to not eat: when to sleep, when to wake up, and you basically had no sort of freedom.  All this was starting to wear you down, you couldn’t help but feel like you could be doing greater things than punching people around and getting electrocuted.  

It was odd you had no recollection of speaking to people before this place, so you yearned to have some sort of human connection.  Winter was nice to you, he was there in your times of need, but you needed more!  Emotions were not discussed there at Hydra, so you didn’t know what this feeling was.  How could you even describe this awful pain in your chest?

Dr.Zola could see you slowly become more and more anxious.  Winter and you have had enough training, maybe it was time to put you out there.

“Winter. Frostbite come here”, Zola ordered sternly. You did as you were told and stood tensely in front of him.  “I can see how ready you are to go out in the field Frost.” You shook your head agreeing. “Do you think she is ready?”, he asked Winter.

“Yes”, Winter said shortly.  You tried to hide your proud smile after Winter.

Dr.Zola smiled his creepy little smile, “Excellent, I have a mission for the both of you.” You couldn’t help but get excited at the thought of not being stuck in the cement hell for once!  “You know of Shield, yes?”  He knew Winter knew, it was more of a question towards you.  

You knew who they were, they were imposters, fakes.  They posed as a group that represented freedom, and safety.  It was all lies though, they just wanted power.  Zola told you all about them.  He said that they were trying to take you in for experiments but Hydra saved you.  You could remember him saying, “If you think it’s bad here, it’s ten times worse at Shield.”  You figured that was his way of trying to comfort you and saying, “If you think it’s shitty here, Shield is shittier.”

“Yes sir”, you said with bitterness knowing exactly who Shield was.

“Well they are having a little party in a few days, and there is something very important I need you to retrieve.”  He rubbed his hands together as he put the plan together.  “Frost you will cover the ground, maybe mingle and get some information while Winter will watch your back.  We will give you proper clothes and pictures of regular people who will be attending so you know what to look like.  You both can not refer to each other as Frost or Winter.  Frost you will go by Marisa Perry, Winter your new name is Sebastian Stan.”

You tried to process all the information.  You thought you would be excited to get out, but really you were just anxious.  What if you totally blew your cover?! You haven’t had an actual conversation with someone in….. Well you actually didn’t know if you’ve ever had one.

“What are we trying to get?”, you asked.

“Ah yes, it will be at Stark’s mansion.  Mr.Stark is a great inventor, and he has some blue prints that would be better in our hands.”

“Do you have any idea where it could be?”, you asked.

“We do not, which is what you are for.  Howard it quite a man for ladies, and you are my dear Frost”, Zola’s eyes ran over every inch of you, “a very enticing woman.” You cringed at how uncomfortable he made you.  To be honest you haven’t really even seen yourself in the mirror in probably months.  “Do anything to get Stark to give out the information.”

“Yes sir”, you said unpleasantly.

“Don’t make me regret saving you”, Zola said to you.

~~~

Zola thought it was unnecessary to attach a camera to you or mics, he trusted you two.  Hydra had their personal plane to drop you off in, they paid a hotel for the two of you.  You guys had to act as best friends ,and definitely not assassins from Russia.  

The both of you were excellent at stealth so it would be easy to sneak in from an upstairs window, but the socializing part would be the challenge. You got to the hotel the night before the party, so you had time to settle in and practice your stories.

The hotel room was pretty nice, it had a queen bed, radio, complimentary wine, and even a shower. You’ve never seen such a luxury in your life.  When Winter closed the to door to your shared room, you instantly collapsed onto the carpeted floor. You’re finally feeling warmth, seeing walls colored in something other than gray.  Finally, a bed that won’t feel like you were sleeping on rocks and the best part was that you weren’t being watched.

“Frost are you okay?”, Winter asked as he put down the luggages.

“Yes……. I don’t know”, you started to break down.  Since you were no longer being watched you didn’t have to suppress your feelings anymore.  

“Why are you crying?”, he asked in confusion.  

“Winter I don’t know what I’m feeling right now!”, you began to panic.  “Does this happen to normal people?!”, as water escaped your eyes it felt like there was something weighing down your chest making it hard to breath.  

Winter knew that this was bound to happen, he remembered how hard it was to not feel.  In fact, it was so hard that he just had it electrocuted out of him.  He didn’t feel much anymore, but once you showed up it started to slowly come back.

“Breath”, he calmed you.  You were laying face down on the floor, so he sat down next to you.  He put a hand on each of you arms and lifted you into his lap. He cradled you in his arms and held you against his chest.  He slowly rocked side to side and whispered tenderly, “shhhh solnyshko.”  

You were thankful for Winter always knowing how to make you feel better.  He was the one source of safety you had.  

He held you until you calmed down , and your breathing went back to normal.  Once he no longer heard sniffles he looked down at you.  You were rubbing your eyes of any more run away tears.  The corner of his mouth tugged up, and he pushed a strand of your (h/c) hair out of your face. Your cheeks were stained with tears and your eyes were as red as the Hydra symbol. “Thank you”, you said to him weakly.

Bucky nodded at you, “You should clean yourself up for tomorrow.”

You wiped your nose with the back of your hand, “Yea-ah.”

Winter picked you up and placed you onto the bed, “I’ll start a bath for you.”

You stretched your arm out towards him, “No Winter it-.”

He cut you off, “Shh.”

You blushed at being treated like a child and started to play with the ends of your unwashed hair.

You could hear the sound of water crashing against the tub.  The sound of running water calmed you enough to just lay back and relax until the bath is ready.  Winter reappeared and was leaning against the doorway, “The bath is ready, I made sure to make it hot for you.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his gesture. “Thank you!”  You hopped off the bed and walked past him into the bathroom.  You could feel the heat radiating off the water, and you turned to Winter excitedly. He pointed his arm towards the bath confirming you could go in.  He left the bathroom giving the needed privacy for you to relax.

You went to take off your shirt, but you felt a sharp pain in your rib.  You couldn’t extend your arm anymore making it impossible to take your shirt off without being in major pain.

“Winteeer”, you called out.

He came back and peeked into the room, “yes?”

“I need help”, you motioned towards your shirt.

He stood behind you and grabbed the bottom of your shirt.  His fingertips brushed against your warm skin, giving you chills. Winter smoothly pulled your shirt off and tsked at the blood stained bandage underneath it. “Who gave you this?”, he asked protectively.

“Agent Volkov, I let my guard down”, you said in shame. “Zola said every wound is a lesson learned.”

Winter took an audible frustrated breath in, and lightly traced his fingers over the bloody cloth. “You can never leave your side open like that.”

“Yeah I know, I was just tired and got careless.”

“Can I see how bad it is?”, he asked.

“Yeah”, you pushed your hair over your shoulder so he could see.

He peeled away the layer of bandage that was wrapped around your torso.  You hissed as you felt the cold air touching your sensitive wound.

“You seem like you’re healing quickly”, Winter was impressed with how well the stab wound healed without stitches.

“That’s good,  I had to freeze ice over it when it was bleeding a lot.  Zola wouldn’t let me stitch it up.”

“I say fuck ‘em”, Winter said jokingly.

You were taken back by what he said, and more specifically how he said it.  You’ve never heard him say anything like that, and he said it with this weird accent that definitely wasn’t Russian.

You turned around and looked at him in shock, “What was-?”

Winter panicked, “I-I dont’t know.”  His breathing picked up and his eyes frantically searched the room.  

You took a step towards him with a cautious hand, “Winter..”

“Ple-ease don’t hurt me”, he flinched at your raised hand.

“Please calm down!”, you said nervously.  This was weird he has never acted like this before.  You’ve never seen him have a melt down like this.  He was stumbling and sweat glistened on his skin.

“(Y/N) where’s Steve?!”, he asked you with desperation.

“What?!”, you were completely baffled.

He quickly leaped towards you and grabbed your face with his hands, “(Y/N) is this really you?!”

You were completely speechless, he was squeezing your face and honestly scaring you. “No I’m Frost, and you’re Winter.”  You tried to stay calm for him.  

“You look just like (Y/N), she’s my-”, he was talking like an excited child but then he became dead silent.  He didn’t finish his sentence but now you were curious.

“She’s your what?”, you sat in front of him and ran your hand through his sweaty hair.

He looked blankly at your face, “I…. don’t remember..”

You felt genuinely bad for him the look of disappointment on his face made your chest feel tight. You continued to run your hand through his hair, “Hey it’s okay.”

Winter shook his head in embarrassment, “Sorry about that… that’s never happened before.”

You forced a smile to lighten the mood, “It’s okay, come into the bath with me, you’re all sweaty now.”

You got up and grabbed his arm, you used all your power to pick him off the ground.

“No it’s okay, I’ll take the shower.”

He went to leave in shame but you softly grabbed his arm, “No, please?” Blush crept up his face. “C’mon you already got my shirt off.”

Winter huffed and undressed while you did. You were the first to stick their leg in, “Hey the water is still pretty warm.”

“Good”, Winter tried not to look at your naked form.

You both sat across from each other, and he refused to look at you.  You wanted to talk but he wouldn’t look at you so you splashed water at his chest to get his attention.  The water surprised him but an amused smile spread across his face.  You didn’t know why you thought you’d get out of this with out some sort of retaliation.  He instantly splashed you back but the wave hit you in the face.  You spit out some water that got into your mouth, “Hey!”

This was the start of a splashing war that you regretted starting.  It was fun though, you’ve never had this much fun before.  After getting countless amount of mouthfuls of water you surrendered.  You put both hands up in the air, “Okay I give up!”

Winter got a mischievous grin on his face, and he pounced on top of you, “Say I’m the best assassin in Hydra.”

You scrunched up your face, “I’d never!” You tried to ignore the fact that Winter was literally on top of you naked in the bathtub.

“Say it!”, his face was practically an inch away from yours. Your breathing hitched in your throat, there was this pull that made you move your face closer to his.  You didn’t say anything all you did was press your lips against his.  You didn’t know why you did this or what your motivation was, it just felt right.

Winter didn’t fight back or pull away.  The feeling of your lips on his gave him this tingling feeling in his stomach that made him breathless.  Your hand traveled up to his cheek as you pressed your lips harder against his.

His metal arm made its way up to your hair and grabbed it passionately as he lightly grinded his body against yours. The contact made you gasp into the kiss, and you pulled away for some air.  Both yours and Winter’s cheeks were dusted with pink as your chests huffed in unison.

“I think we should get to bed…. It’s late”, you pushed the wet strands of hair out of Winter’s face.  The more you analyzed his face, the more he looked familiar.  It was like a weird itch in the back of your brain that wouldn’t go away.  God you knew that face, you know you do but from where?

“What’s wrong?”, he asked worried.

“Nothing, you just look like someone”, your fingers traced his jawline.

Winter began to lightly pepper kisses onto your skin, the affection made you giggle with every kiss.  He began to make his way down you neck, occasionally nipping at little spots.  “Okay we can go to bed now”, he breathed against your skin teasingly.

Your words were caught in your throat and all you could mutter out was, “o-okay.”

He lifted you up out of the bath, water dripped from your skin and onto the floor as he carried you to the bed never once his mouth losing contact with your skin.  He kept walking until his knees hit the edge of the bed, then he carefully as possible placed you onto the soft bed.  Winter crawled on top of you and continued to kiss down your body.  He gently placed a hesitant kiss to your core.  A little moan escaped your lips, and he looked up at you for confirmation to continue.  You looked down at him as your heart beat against your chest, you nodded at him that it was okay.  

Knowing he had your consent, he flicked your clit with his tongue.  This sent a feeling to your stomach that made you gasp.  He continued licking and sucking on your sweet spot, you couldn’t help but tangle your hands in his hair as you cursed his name.  

That’s when it hit you, you were flashed back to the same situation.  The room smelled like cigarettes and beer.  You were on a bed in a tiny hotel room with you hands in the hair of a brunette.  His face was in between your thighs.  He looked up at you with his ice blue eyes, they looked just like Winter’s but they had more passion and energy.  

“You like that doll?”, he said with a husky voice.  That sounded just like Winter earlier.  Then you heard yourself say.

“Yes Bucky, it feels amazing.”  It only took you a second to put two and two together.  BUCKY WAS WINTER, WINTER WAS BUCKY! That’s why he looked so familiar!  

You came back to reality and gasped, “YOUR NAME IS BUCKY!”

Winter pulled his mouth away from you, “Bucky?”

There was that name again.  The same name you were calling him when you first arrived. You sat up and crawling over to him, “I remember !! You had short hair and we were in this room…. I think we were drinking, but you were inbetween my thighs, and I called you Bucky!” You were out of breath from talking so much.

Winter wiped his mouth, the name Bucky angered him. It felt like that name should mean something to him but it didn’t. “You called me that when you came here.”

“I did?”

“Yeah, then you were wiped”, he said coldly.

You crossed your arms, “Wait they wiped me? Zola said Shield did.”

Winter shook his head and gave you your underwear and bra. “Oh… thanks.”

Trying to change the subject Winter said, “We really shouldn’t be talking about this, we’ll get in trouble.”

You became bitter with the lies, “What are they gonna punish us by wiping us again?”

Winter flinched at your hostile words, “I just don’t want them to hurt you Frost.  I hate seeing them do that.”  He shuffled on his knees towards you and enveloped you into a hug. You calmed down and rested your head on his chest. “You need your sleep for tomorrow.”  He pulled back the sheets and climbed into bed after you did. You laid on his right arm and rested a hand on his chest.  As you fell asleep he traced his fingers down your side mindlessly.  Boy have things changed.


	7. Chapter 7

You woke up to the feeling of being gently shaken while a deep voice cooed in your ear, “Frost it’s time to wake up.” You groaned and turned over while grabbing more blanket to cover yourself. 

Winter let out a little laugh and pet your hair. The party wasn’t until tonight and it was only 5 in the morning. Both Winter and you were trained to wake up at 5 for a torturous day with Hydra, but since you didn’t have anything to do for another 12 hours Winter figured he could let you sleep a little longer. He sighed and laid back down next to you. He started to think about what happened last night. The flashbacks, being called Bucky again, the affection, it was all overwhelming for him. How was he supposed to go back to the base tomorrow and act emotionless and distant again. He couldn’t but there was no other option. Maybe you both could run away, but Hydra was bound to find you guys again. If they did it would not be a very long reunion. It pained Winter to think about going back. He was finally feeling again, and it was the first time in probably years that he has felt like weight was lifted off his shoulders. He had warmth, which was something he thought he would never feel again. He felt safe holding you in his arms; in fact, you gave him a reason to survive.

He didn't know when he was going to be wiped again, hopefully not soon. He didn’t want to forget moments like this, but he knew forgetting was inevitable. To make sure he appreciated this to the fullest, he closed his eyes and finally relaxed. Winter took a deep breath in of the flowery scent in your hair. As he released the air out of his lungs his breath made strands of your hair sway. 

You began to stir in your sleep; at first, Winter didn’t think anything of it. Then you started to whimper and breath heavily. Your moving woke Winter up fully, and he watched for a minute to see what was going on.

“Steve why did you let go?!”, you gasped in your sleep. Winter’s eyebrows furrowed at the familiar name. “He can’t be gone!”, you cried out. Winter turned you over so you were on your back. He sat up to get a better look at you, this was when he noticed tears falling down your temples. “No”, you sobbed. He couldn’t take anymore of this and decided to wake you up. 

“Frost”, he hushed you while rubbing your arms. His approach didn’t seem to be working so he pulled you onto his lap and cradled you in his arms like earlier. “Hush, its okay”, he cooed again. 

Your eyes slowly began to open and tears still continued to fall, “Bucky?”, you asked.

Winter didn’t answer, because now he wasn’t sure if he was Bucky or not. All the pieces were falling together and the solved puzzle seemed to be that he was Bucky.

Whoever Bucky was you couldn’t get him out of your mind. When you realized you called Winter Bucky you apologized. You wiped your eyes of any tears, “Oh I’m sorry Winter.” Your voice was just above a whisper as you felt guilty for once again calling him that. You sat up in his lap and brought your knees up to your chest. You took a shaky deep breath and exhaled. “It was so realistic”, you said to yourself. Winter rested his cheek on the crown of your head and listened. “I can’t tell if dreaming is a blessing or a curse”, you sighed as you ran a hand through your tousled hair.

“I think you should be glad you still have some sort of imagination up there”, Winter said into your hair.

You giggled at his scruff tickling the top of your head. “You know you're going to have to shave that off right?”

“Yeah, I don't mind. It gets itchy anyway.” Winter’s stomach growled, almost imitating a whale. “Are you hungry?”, he asked.

“Yes, always am!” You weren't exaggerating, you were literally always hungry. Hydra never fed you till you were full. “Do you want me to call room service?”, you offered.

“Uh yeah, I'll take a shower while you do that.”

You got up out of bed and walked towards the phone.

“okay!”,you replied back to Winter. You dialed up the number that was on the paper on your bedside table. 

Winter was out of the shower in 10 minutes, which was 2 times longer than the time Hydra usually gave him. The food was to be up soon, and you were so ready to indulge in the tasty items you ordered. You couldn’t really remember what half the stuff was so you asked what was recommended and got them to share.

When you heard a light knock on the door your heart sang with joy. You shooed Winter to the bathroom to get changed so the room service worker wouldn’t see his arm. 

You opened the door with a very friendly smile, “Good morning”, you greeted.

The woman in a very neat uniform walked in with a cart of food, “Good morning ma’am, did you sleep well?”

“Oh yes I had the best sleep I’ve had in months”, you sighed.

“I like your accent, where are you from?”, she asked politely as she set up your table.

You tried to think of a honest answer but not too honest, “Oh just a little village near Russia.” You tried to sound innocent so she didn’t think you were a communist or something.

“Oh why here?”, she paused,” If you don’t mind me asking.”

You looked behind your shoulder to see Winter peaking through the cracked door and tried not to laugh. “Oh just a little trip with me and my husband.”

The room service attendant’s eyes lit up, “Husband?! How long have you been married?”

Now you dug yourself in a hole, “Oh just a year.” Dang when will this lady just leave already?! You can’t keep this up, but this is good practice for tonight.

“Oh that is just so darn cute, I’m still lookin’ for the right partner”, she sighed as she fantasized.

“The right partner”, echoed in your head. The words sent chills up your spine and gave you an aching pain in your chest. You were frozen, why did you feel this way. What was this feeling from?

“That’s sweet”, you managed to choke out.

“Ma’am are you alright, you’re lookin’ rather pale”, she examined your face.

You tried to push back your emotions, “Yeah I’m not feeling too well. Would you mind leaving?”

The kind lady then realized she had just been babbling for minutes and already finished her job, “Oh I’m so sorry, enjoy your breakfast!” She rushed out of the room and when she closed the door you sat back down on the bed. 

You clenched your shirts material that was on your chest and began to breath heavily, “right partner, the right partner”, you kept repeating to yourself like a broken record. 

You didn’t know this at the time but the woman was actually a Hydra agent and they were spying on you. They wanted to test you without you knowing, and they wanted to see if some words could trigger you. “The right partner”, would be one of them.

Winter stepped out of the bathroom, “Did she poison you?!”, he asked quickly.

You waved him off, “No no, it’s just…. I don’t know how to explain it.”

He sat next to you and rubbed a hand on your lower back, “No I understand trust me.”

You looked up at him with sad eyes, “Why does this keep happening, this rarely happened back at base.”

“Because we can feel without punishment, talk as we please, we’re exposed to the outside world now. Whatever is out here is affecting our judgement and we can’t let that ruin our mission”, Winter was stern.

You decided to toughen up, “You’re right Winter, I need to focus.”

“Just take a deep breath Frost”, you followed his orders and took a deep breath. “Alright now let’s eat some food!”

You forced a smile as he pulled you off the bed towards the pancakes, eggs, and bacon.

~~~

It was time to go to Howard Stark’s house for the party. The Hydra driver dropped you off in front of the gate as requested. 

You lifted your dress up as you got out of the car and you waited for Winter. The car drove away as other guests arrived.

“Alright look for a way in, but be inconspicuous”, you whispered to Winter. 

You watched the flow of people as they made their way past the large gates and towards the almost mansion like house. The fence around the house was climbable and there wasn’t much security hanging around so you and Winter could easily sneak in.

You made a slight whistling noise to get Winter’s attention. When he looked at you you motioned with your eye and eyebrows for him to come over. He sauntered over he had just found his lost date. Winter put both hands on you arms and rubbed them as if he was trying to keep you warm. Then he leaned in close to your ear and whispered, “There doesn’t seem to be guards around the back. We can probably climb in from there.” When he pulled away he had a smile on his face as other guests nodded at him kindfully as they passed.

When the coast was clear, you both sneaked along the perimeter of the fencing. You could hear laughter and music from outside. In a hushed tone you said, “Winter there’s an open window on the second floor. We can get in from there.”

You tied the bottom of your dress up to your knees so it was easier for you to climb without anything getting caught.

You landed on the other side of the fence with elegance and grace. You stayed in the shadows until the there was no one around again, then you sprinted towards the house. Winter ran right after you, and right when he got to you he bent down and placed his hands together. You placed you heeled foot into the palm of his metal hand. When you felt balanced you pushed yourself off the ground with your other foot. When Winter felt you do that he pushed you up with his hand, since he did it with so much force you went up atleast 6 feet up in the air. 

You just barely caught the window on the second floor. Thankfully it was already open, so you just pulled yourself up when you made sure no one was in the room. You peaked out of the window and gave Winter a thumbs up. He then ran up the wall himself as you waited for him watching the door. When he climbed into the room you were untying your dress.

“Well that was much easier than expected”, you said with a little sigh of relief.

“Yeah, there doesn’t seem to be many SSR agents here”, Winter said. 

You walked over and adjusted him tie, “Well this mission will be easy then, and maybe we can sneak a few drinks in before we report back to the hotel.”

“Mmm”, sounds good he hummed. “Alright let’s get those blue-prints.”

When both Winter and you came out of the room the people who were chatting in the hallway looked at you oddly, but then the man in the conversation gave Winter a thumbs up. You weren’t quite sure what he meant by that but Winter just mimicked him.

Before going downstairs you went over the plan with Winter again. “Okay I’ll observe and sweep the ground floor. You check out room up here and be ready if I need any sort of back up.” Winter shook his head acknowledging what you’ve told him. “Okay, meet me back here in 10 minutes. If I’m not here then search for me down stairs.”

“Understood”, he answered back.

You smiled and fixed his hair one last time, “Alright see ya in 10 minutes!”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i have not updated in ages! College has been consuming my life!! Thank you for all the kudos and comments! I appreciate every single one!

The music and chatter filled you with life and warmth.  You haven’t been around this many people in ages.  Your dress fell behind you as you elegantly descended down the marble staircase.  It was oddly satisfying how your heels clinked with every step down.  You stopped four steps before you reached the main floor so you could scan the room.  

You noticed you had caught some people’s attention by just standing there.  You didn’t get worried that they were suspicious, you knew they just thought you were looking for your date or friend.  After a few minutes you decided to go and walk through the crowd of chattering guests.

Your soft skin gently rubbed against other guests as you weaved yourself around the ballroom.  The scent of cigars and expensive alcohol filled your nostrils while talking and music blasted your ears.  Your senses were on overload and you tried your hardest to stay focused.   

Out of nowhere a very familiar but foreign voice caught your attention.  It was as if all the other voices around you faded and all you could hear was...her.  

“Mr.Jarvis have you seen Howard?”, the distressed woman sighed. “He has to make a speech in ten minutes and he is nowhere to be found!”

You didn’t even realize that you were walking towards the voice, until you bumped right into the source.

“Oh excuse me I’m so sorry”, you apologized in your most american accent.

The woman had beautiful brown hair and brown eyes that made your heart pound in your chest.  She smiled at you forgivingly, “It’s alright.” Suddenly her smile fell and her face began to pale.  She looked at you like you were a ghost.  

Her expression made you anxious so you tried to make conversation.  You saw an antique looking locket hanging on her chest.  It was such a simple but gorgeous locket that you decided to point it out. “That’s a beautiful locket”, you smiled uncomfortably.

She blinked out of her trance after a few seconds and looked down at her accessory.  Her voice shook as she thanked you. “It was a friend of mine”, she smiled but her eyes showed sadness.  

Understanding what she meant you apologized for bringing up a sensitive topic. “I’m sorry-”

“No it’s alright”, she cut you off.  She awkwardly laughed to herself, “It’s funny but you actually look just like her.”

“Like your friend?”, you asked for clarification.

“Yeah, her name was (Y/N).”

The sound of that name made your stomach churn and your heart race. Your eyebrows frowned as you tried to get that name out of your head. It’s the same name that Winter had called you, what was the coincidence that another person associated that name with you.  You remembered that Hydra wiped you, so maybe that really was your name. You were standing there in front of the woman as still as a statue speechless, until another voice pulled you out of your trance.

“Peggy I’m here, I wasn’t going to miss my speech” a man came up behind Peggy.  His charming demeanor instantly changed when he looked at you. “(Y/N)?”, he asked.

Once again the name was brought up and the name Peggy rang so many bells but you couldn’t grasp it. When you saw the man you broke down, you weren’t sure why though.  He was there to catch you as you collapsed into tears.  

“Howard..”,Peggy warned him.  Howard has mistaken a lot of young woman for (Y/N) since she has passed.  She didn’t want him to hurt himself all over again.

“Peggy this is really her!”, he said with excitement.  He pulled you tight into his chest.

Peggy shook her head and came over to separate him from you.  She lightly pulled your arm, “Howard this isn’t-”, she froze when she saw the familiar scare on your arm.  She hadn’t noticed it before because your sleeve was covering it. “Oh my god”, she gasped to herself.

Howard followed her gaze to your arm and remembered it was the same scar that (Y/n) had always been insecure about.  Both Howard and Peggy looked at each other in shock and carefully guided you to a room so you three could be alone.

You didn’t even realize you were transported into a different room till you were sat down.  You took a deep breath to repress the tears.  

“Why are you crying?”, Peggy asked you defensively.

You just shook your head, “I-I don’t know.”

Peggy looked at Howard with a raised eyebrow. “What’s your name?”  Howard asked you compassionately and took a seat next to you on the bed.  

You closed your eyes and thought hard.  “I’m called Frost but I keep being called (Y/N) and I don’t know why.” Your head hung in shame.

“Frost?”, Peggy asked.

“Yes, it’s short for Frostbite.”  You don’t know why you were telling them all of this. You knew if this was against the rules but you trusted them.

“Do you know where you got that scar?”, Howard motioned at the spot on your arm.

You looked at it for a bit, but you didn’t have an answer. “No, I have so many scars. I’ve begun to lose count.”

Peggy and Howard were beginning to lose hope.  They were convinced you were (Y/N) but they didn’t have any solid evidence that you were.  Peggy remembered the locket and took it off of her.

She held the silver necklace in her hand, “You liked my locket, does it look familiar?” She placed it into your hand.

You traced a finger over the embroidered design on the top.  The necklace looked tarnished, like it has been through hell in back but it was still gorgeous.  You used your nail to open up the locket.  The symmetrical oval plates opened up with a click and there were two worn pictures.  One of a tiny blonde and one of a guy with a charming smile.  It was the same guy from your dreams…. The same guy that winter looked like.

“Bucky”, you gasped to yourself.

“Bucky?!”, both Peggy and Howard asked.

“Yeah”, you hesitated.  “I keep having dreams about him.”

“And the other picture?”, Peggy asked.

You examined the skinny figure and you instantly remembered.  “STEVE!”, you shouted.

The memories came flashing back: the war, the howling commandos, the friendship, the loss, the pain…..Hydra.  

Peggy and Howard both saw the revelation in your eyes and pulled you into a hug.

Howard began to cry into your neck, “I’m so sorry, I should’ve been there for you.”

You remembered what he was talking about, the day Hydra found you.  “It’s okay”, you comforted. “Did you look for me?”, you asked with a hint of pain.

Howard pulled away from you and took your face in both of his hands. “Did I look for you?” A tear fell down his cheek.  “I looked for you for months.”

“Where have you been?”, Peggy pushed the hair out of your face.

“I… I don’t know. Somewhere in Russia?”, you exhaled.

“Are you working for Hydra?”, Howard asked.

“Yes”, you said blankly.

“You fought for years to stop them! You can’t go back!”, Peggy yelled.

“I can’t let Winter go back without me! They’ll kill him!”, you pushed yourself away from the two.

“Why does he matter?!”, Howard asked.  “We are your real friends! You’ll be safe here!”

“I have to take care of Winter.”, you said in a monotone voice.  You weren’t listening anymore when you remembered the real reason you were here.

“He can stay with us too!”, Howard added.

“Hydra will find us, there’s no point in causing anyone who's in the way pain”, you headed towards the door.

Peggy ran inbetween you and the door. “NO! I will not let you leave us again.”  There was so much pain in her voice.

“Peg-”, you tried but she cut you off.

“Don’t ‘Peg’ me!! I will not let you work for Hydra!!!”, angry tears spilled out of her eyes.  

You had to leave and you knew it.  Your memories were back, but you still remember how valuable both Winter and you were to Hydra.  They would stop at nothing to get you back and you couldn’t let anyone get hurt because of that.  If you let Winter go back himself they would kill him or hurt him until you came back.  You were supposed to protect him, there was no way in hell you would let him get hurt by them.  No matter how much it pained you to go back, you had to.  

“Howard make her move”, you said through gritted teeth.

“(Y/N) I agree with her.”

Ice started to form around your hands, “I’m not the same (Y/N)!”

They were both startled by your powers, “(Y/N)?”

You were frustrated and didn’t have the patience to explain. They kept questioning you and talking. You just couldn’t handle it anymore. “IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME GO!”, you cried out.

Both of  them were silent but they saw how distressed you really were. “Fine, just don’t forget us”, Peggy pulled you into a hug.  

“Please come back to us”, Howard kissed the side of you head while Peggy put the locket around your neck.

“I will”, you said with a sad voice.

You had to open the door yourself because they wouldn’t willingly let you leave themselves.  When the door closed you heard sobs coming from the other side.  You started to second guess yourself until you saw Winter coming towards you.

“I’ve been looking all over for you, I’ve got the prints”, he said.

“Okay let’s leave”, you tried to say with a tough facade while your heart ached.

“Is there something wrong, Frost?”, he asked with concern.

You took a deep breath, “No, I’ll be okay.”

You said that to convince yourself this was the right choice.  The two of you left and made it back to the hotel.  You were completely silent since you came back.  You wanted to tell him so much but it would only mess him up.  Once again you had to come back to reality and suppress your feelings.  Maybe it would be easier to get brainwashed than deal with all these memories and emotions.


	9. Chapter 9

The entire way back to the Hydra base, you couldn’t stop thinking about the two people you met the night before.  You sat in your seat on the little plane and sifted through all the memories that came back.  The memories had an artificial feel to them as if you had made them all up.  You know you couldn’t have though, everything just added up and made sense.  

You wanted to know more, but you knew if you asked questions you were sure to be wiped or beat.  Maybe being wiped wouldn’t be that bad of an idea.  At least you wouldn’t be stuck with all of these confusing and frustrating thoughts.  Your head throbbed from thinking about Peggy and Howard.  Were they really your friends?  They could be, or maybe they were Hydra agents testing you, honestly those memories could have been made up by Hydra.  

You groaned in pain and put your hands on your forehead.

Winter turned looked at you with concern.  He always wondered what was going through your head.  He knew that you had more mental freedom than he had.  He was always worried you were going to let something slip getting you in trouble.  Hydra did not wipe you as often as they did to him, he understood why.  He was just some kind of weapon to them while you were the handler.  He would rather have it that way than the other way around. Winter has been so thankful for your presence at base.  You’ve really made an impact on his life and the environment.  Thankfully because of you, they don’t wipe him as much as they used to.  You always fought with them to him from getting back into that chair.

They let you win sometimes, they actually came to respect you two more.  It was an odd thing.  Winter started to believe it’s because they were actually scared of the two of you together.  Him alone, not to daunting but add in Frost and they have a whole new demeanor.  Of course, Dr.Zola didn’t want you to think you had power over them so sometimes they put Winter into the chair.  He didn’t mind too much though, the pain would stop after the first ten seconds. 

Winter felt the plane come to a jolting stop, so he got up from his seat and stood next to you till you got up.  You were so lost in thought that you were very unaware of your surroundings.  You jumped in your seat when you felt Winter’s cold metal hand on your shoulder.

“Sorry Frost, we are at base”, he said in his usual Winter Soldier voice.

You sighed and forced yourself up.  He handed you the tube with the prints in it so you could give it to Zola.  As you two were walking off the plane he whispered in your ear, “esti bine?”

You shook your head as a yes to him asking if you were okay.  It was nice to know that he still had the caring demeanor deep down.  You looked back at him and when you blinked he transformed into “Bucky”, but when you reopened your eyes he was Winter again.  Your eyebrows furrowed in frustration, you knew you had to get wiped now.  If this were to keep happening it would affect you on missions and you don’t know how much longer you could conceal it.  

Guards opened up the doors for you and Winter.  The place was still cold and musty like it was before you left.  You both headed down to Zola’s office and then you both would get debriefed.  

“Ah Frost and Winter are back”, Zola sighed in his chair.

“Here are the blueprints”, you said emotionless as you handed him the tube.

“I see none of you are wounded, that is good”, he hummed as he opened up the container.  

“The mission was short and successful, without any complications”, you added.

“I see, very good”, he flattened the long piece of paper on his desk.

You couldn’t help but look over his shoulder to see what was on the sheet.  It seemed to be a big capsule, then another flashback hit you.  

You were in a room with machines that lined the walls.  There was a mint green capsule in the middle.  People were gathered everywhere, and suddenly the capsule opened up.  Out came a tall muscular man with golden blonde hair.

All the feelings that came with that memory overwhelmed you and without knowing you whispered to yourself, “Steve.”

“What did you say?”, Zola asked.

You took a deep breath and replied back, “Nothing, sir.”

After examining that sheet he moved it over so he could look at the next one.  It seemed to be some kind of mapping. “Ah this is a surprise, Frost did you grab this?”

“No , sir, Winter did.”

He looked at Winter and gave him a smile, “Well congratulations, you just took the map they were working on to find Captain America.” He then looked at you, “Sound familiar?”

You knew exactly who he was talking about, tears began to brim your eyes.  You breathed in deep and bit your tongue. You shook your head, and what came out of your mouth shocked both Winter and Zola.

“I am making the request to be wiped”, you said.

Zola lowered his glasses, “Are you sure, Frost?”

“Yes”, your tone was serious and dead.

“Okay, I will not argue against it”, he got up from his seat and walked with you to the room.

Winter was not expecting that out of you at all.  You haven’t gotten wiped since you arrived and never in a million years would he imagine someone asking for that sort of torture.  He didn’t even follow to watch, he would never want to see you in pain like that again so he just went to your shared room.

 

Zola walked next to you in the hall, “Why do you want this?”  He was just as confused as Winter.

You tried to be as emotionless as possible, “I just need it.”

“Interesting”, he hummed.  “Did something happen on the mission?”

“No”, you tried to push back the memories.  “I just don’t want to remember.”

Zola looked at you with a shocked expression. “You are remembering things?”

Now you let the cat out of the bag.  He opened up the door to the room and you took a seat in the infamous leather chair.

“Yes. I am remembering and I don’t want it to interfere with my loyalties to Hydra.”

Winter had decided to stand outside the doorway and he heard what you said.  He knew you started to remember, but why would you ever want it to be erased?

“Your loyalties to Hydra or your loyalties to Winter?”, Zola smirked.

“I just want to the the best I can be to keep Winter safe”, you replied back to Zola’s suggestive comment.

“I see, well I will bother you no more.” Zola got up and became strapping pads to you and tying you down. 

Your heart began to race when Zola got behind his controls.  You closed your eyes and took long deep breaths to ready yourself for the pain.  The headgear began to make noise as it was lowered closer to your head. You clenched your fists so hard that even your short nails were digging into the palm of your hand.  Finally the machine clicked and you felt the metal on the side of your head.

“Ready?”, Zola gave you a warning.

You shook your head anxiously and right when you did the electricity jolted through your head.  The pain felt like you were being stabbed by 20 knives in your brain.  

You let out a scream of pain as the pain intensified each second. Winter could hear you from the room.  It brought him physical pain to hear your screams.  He grabbed the pillow on his bed and wrapped it around his head to somehow muffle the yelling.

After a couple more seconds you went silent, so Zola stopped the machine.  You were exhausted from all the pain.  Your head laid against the headrest with your eyes closed as you took in deep breaths.  You were covered in sweat, so your clothing clung to your skin. 

Zola came over to unstrap you, “Frost.”

“Ready to comply”, you said out of breath.

“You can go back to your room.  Clean yourself up, yes?” Zola was showing you compassion , which was something he rarely did.

“Yes, sir”, you forced yourself up out of the chair.

Slowly, you made your way down the hall.  You body and head still ached from the wiping.  When you opened up the door you all you saw was Winter with a pillow around his head.  Your brows furrowed in confusion and you walked over to him.

“Winter are you okay?”, you sat on his bed.

He opened his eyes to see you, “Why did you do that?”

You tilted your head, “the erasing?”

“Yes”, he said bitterly.

“I don’t really remember”, you looked off into the distance.

“Do you remember anything from the last mission?”  Winter was upset, because you two shared an intimate moment with each other and you just went and erased from your mind. 

“No not really”, you said. Winter frowned and got up. “Why are you angry with me?”

Winter’s expression softened, “How can you tell that I am?”

“I know that face Winter”, you rolled your eyes.  “Why does it matter?”

Winter ran a hand over his face and sighed. “We”, he paused because he wasn’t sure how or if he should tell you.

“We what?”, you asked curiously.

“We did intimate things with each other”, he sat back down on the bed because he knew you would think it’s stupid that he cares so much.

“Like what?”, you asked as you scooted next to him. “Show me”, your breath ghosted against his ear.

He swallowed nervously and looked around.  In a hushed tone he asked, “What if we get caught?”

You climbed on top of his lap and ran a hand over his cheek. “We won’t but if we do leave it to me.”

Winter was surprised from your sudden passion.  This was odd of you, especially after getting your memory erased.  “Frost, we shouldn’t”, he tried to lift you off of him.

“Why not.  You said we did it once.  Why can’t we recreate it so I can atleast have that to remember.”

“It just doesn’t feel right, right now Frost.  I’m sorry”, he couldn’t look at you.

You huffed and lifted yourself off of him. “It’s alright. Even though I’m your handler, I won’t force you to do anything with me.” Winter looked at the door embarrassed.  “I’m going to go shower, I’ll be back.”

You closed the door behind you.  You were disappointed that Winter would deny you like that.  You have been secretly wanting him for so long and Zola was finally cutting you a break, it would’ve been the perfect time.  But you respected Winter and would never force him into that.  Plus, you knew you would be here for a long time, there had to be another opportunity.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! sorry I literally haven’t updated in forever! School is consuming every aspect of my life! I know this isn’t long but I figured it was better than nothing at all!!

Things with Hydra have really slowed down. Zola got captured and taken to jail. He said to not try to break him out because he plans on working for SHIELD. He wants to plant the seed of Hydra so it can grow in SHIELD even after he’s gone. You were second in command so once Zola was gone you were in charge. Zola wanted you to put Winter on ice, since there would be no one to supervise you both, but you had other plans.   
You were tired, oh so tired. The base was empty, all the Hydra agents left to go to other hide outs. You commanded them to leave, because you were exhausted of this life and them. Yes the other agents came to respect you and obey your every command, but you were tired of having them rely on you. They never spoke against you because they knew the power you would unleash on them; no one wanted to get frostbite.  
It was just you and Winter against the world, or what was left of it. Winter waited by your bedside every morning waiting for you to open those strong, (E/C) eyes.  
“Buna dimineata”, he greeted in a soft voice.  
You couldn’t help but smile everyday when he was the first thing you saw. “Good morning, Winter.” You rubbed the tiredness out of your eyes and rolled over to look at him. “What should we do today? Sleep?”, you said with a light laugh. He shook his head and let out a chuckle. He paused for a moment and a serious expression fell onto his face. You were confused by the sudden change in his mood. “What’s wrong?”, you asked while you propped yourself up on your elbow. The bed’s rusty springs creaked with your movement.  
“Did Zola tell you anything before he left?”, he asked with anxiety in his voice  
“What do you mean, Dragostea mea?” You had a feeling he would try to ask, you didn’t want him to get any ideas of leaving you.   
“Did he have any jobs for us?” His eyes followed your body as you got up to change.  
You avoided eye contact with him so he couldn’t see your bluff. Yes, you were an incredible liar, but lying to him was different. He could see right through you, even if you managed to get some sort of cover up out.   
“No”, you said as you pulled your shirt off of you body. Without any warning you felt his cold metal hand press against the small of your back.  
He leaned into your ear, “I know you’re lying, even without looking at your face.” You let out a shaky breath as goosebumps traveled up your body. He used his metal hand to tuck your hair behind your ear. “Why can’t you just tell me the truth, draga?” He ran the hand from your hair down to your bare sides, painfully slow.  
You knew what he was trying to do to you, but you wouldn’t let him trip you up. “Oh Winter, when will you learn that your charm won’t break me.” You swiftly turned around and put a finger on his rough, pink lips. “You know if you want some of this,” you motioned at your bare chest, “all you have to do is ask.” You tried your best to distract him and get him off of the subject.  
You could see him trying not to smirk so he could keep his brooding persona. He cleared his throat and tore his eyes away from you body. “Alright Frost, you win this round. Don’t think I won’t bring it up again later though.” He grabbed the side of your head and gave it a light kiss. “Now put a shirt on before I just undress you completely.”  
You snorted at his lame line, “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Winter.” You put on a long black shirt and slid a leather bomber jacket on. After, you changed into some loose high waisted jeans and laced up some boots. It was currently transitioning from winter to spring there in Russia, but since the cold had no affect on you you just put on what was comfortable.  
Once you freshened up your face and ran your hands through your messy, wavy hair you decided you were presentable enough. Your heavy footsteps echoed down the empty, long hallway as you went to meet up with Winter. He was in the common area looking to see what he could fill his large yet empty stomach with. You heard him groan. “Already out of food?”, you asked and leaned against the doorway.  
“Well, kind of. We’ve got some meal bars, but that’s about it.” He tossed the dry, tasteless bars onto the metal table. Your nose scrunched up in disgust thinking about putting another one of those in your mouth.   
“I can go into town and get us some real food”, you offered.  
“No, that’s okay. I can take care of it.” He closed the cupboard and went to go make his escape before you could stop him, like always.  
You laughed and “tsked” at his attempt as you stopped him with your hand on his chest. “No no, I will do it. I know how you get when interacting with people like that.”  
He hung his head in embarrassment, “I know. They just make me anxious.”  
You pulled him into a hug, “It’s nothing to be ashamed of Wint, it takes time.”  
He ran his fingers through your hair, “It’s a long walk.”  
“I know, but it’s worth never having to eat that chalk shit ever again.” You gave him a cheerful smile.  
“Okay true, keep your guard up no matter what.”  
You pulled away from the hug and patted him on his pec, “Roger that, Snowflake.” You winked at him and as you walked away you yelled back, “Hold down the fort for me will ya’?”  
He shook his head and laughed, “Try not to freeze out there”, he said sarcastically.  
Before closing the door you shouted back, “Oh no that would be such a shame.” You closed the heavy metal doors behind you and tried to conceal your smile as you breathed in the fresh, cold air. You let out a content breath out, life was just starting to turn around. Maybe you could create a new life with just Winter in this large cement block of a “home”.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! thank you for all the positive feedback!! I’m really excited about this story now!! I hope i can always have enough time to write chapters!! Let me know what you think about Frozen Over!

You traveled down the tall hill that the base was settled on. Even though it was transitioning into spring there was still a layer of snow on the ground. Spring never stopped mother nature in Russia from making it snow. Your black boots crunched the fluffy, white snow, leaving your tracks behind.

You played with the money in your jacket pocket. Zola had left behind a large amount of money when he left. They were funds for weapons and research, but only you knew about it, so you used it for food. So every once in awhile you would travel to the little village at the bottom of the hill and buy some fruits and bread. Neither you nor Winter were a good cook, it was always a struggle to make actual meals. Sometimes you could get food from the babushka that you had befriended.

When you met her it was a really snowy day and you came to the village to stock up on food. The elderly woman was having trouble carrying her goods and you hated to watch her struggle. You offered to carry her bags and walk her back to her house. She thanked you with home made soup and pastries that you ended bringing back to Winter. It was probably the best food you two had eaten in years.

She went to the market every Saturday morning, so you went to help her carry food and she could repay you with cooked meals. You called her babushka Marina. She was such a loving lady, which made her very easy to talk to. Although you never told her about who you really were. In all honesty you weren’t exactly sure who you were besides Frostbite, Agent 0, one of Hydra’s powerful assets.

You told her your name was Liliya and your boyfriend’s name was Bucky. You always had the urge to call Winter Bucky, so when you had the chance to rename him, you went with instincts.

You would like to believe that maybe you and Winter could be in a relationship. After years of having to repress feelings and emotions towards him, you could finally let it all out.

That’s why you enjoyed going to the market so much. It was a chance to socialize with people other than Winter. Even if you didn’t get the chance to talk to anyone, it was still nice to be in an environment with other people.

The market came into view as the tall bare trees began to clear. You could hear all the chattering of people exchanging food and talking about each other’s lives. You let out a sigh of contentedness as you finally entered the village. Recently you’ve been very aware that you didn’t dress like the other young women from here. They all wore pretty patterned dresses with furry coats, they looked delicate. Insecurity wasn’t what you felt but more like worry. You didn’t want attention towards you, because maybe Hydra could find you again.

As you were lost in thought looking at all the women you felt a soft grip on your arm. You were surprised, so instinctively you quickly pulled your arm away and turned ready to fight.

When you realized who it was you instantly dropped your arms and untensed.

“My is that any way to greet me”, said Babushka Marina.

“I’m sorry, I was just wasn’t expecting it”, you said ashamed for acting that way in public.

“It’s alright, fluturaș.” She gave your arm a comforting rub. Her face contorted when her finger ran over a whole on your sleeve. “I see you’re dressed in you best today”, she smirked sarcastically.

You looked down at your jacket and realized how beat up it actually was. There were cuts and distressed marks all over the thing. You thought it had character but to other “normal” people it was trash. “Uh yeah, I don’t really have anything better to wear.”

“Your man let you go out like that?”, she asked while looking through some pears.

You scratched the back of your head in confusion as you followed behind her. “Is that a rule?”

She picked up a pear and gave it a light squeeze then gave it to you. “Well it is the 60’s, but no it isn’t a rule. I was just wondering.”

You let out a relieved laugh, “Oh that’s good.” You paid for the pears and then turned to Babushka. “Are there any houses for sale here?”

She gave you a surprised look, “You’re looking to move?”

“Uh well, I don’t know. It would be nice to live here”, you shrugged your shoulders.

“Well I’m not too sure, but I’m bound to leave sometime”, she said as she winced to pick up her basket of fruit.

You rushed to pick it up before her. You tsked at her comment, “Oh you stop that, you’ll live for hundreds of years.” You gave a little chuckle to lighten the mood.

“If only”, she laughed. “Alright come with me back home and we can continue talking. My legs are getting tired.”

You carried her things as she told you some old stories when she was young. You always loved her stories, they made time pass by so fast. Before you even realized it, it was already dark.

“Thank you for your stories and food, but I need to go home”, you got up off the couch and put down your empty tea cup.

“Oh I didn’t realize it was late out already. Silly me filling your head with old memories”, she scolded herself.

You hugged her, “It’s okay, because I don’t have my own.” She didn’t ask you about it, but she gave you an extra long hug before letting you leave.

“I’ll see you soon, right fluturaș?”, she asked.

You paused, you didn’t like making promises you couldn’t keep but you didn’t want to let her down. “Yeah, I’ll see you next week.”

With that you closed door and you trudged up the snowy hill with a bag of food. The woods seemed extra quiet tonight. Every time something actually did make a noise you moved into a fighting position. It was unnerving and it felt like your every move was being watched, like you were prey. When you finally reached the base you opened the door quickly and looked outside as you closed it.

Since you were walking in backwards you felt your back bump into something. Suddenly arms wrapped around your torso.

You were about to go into Frostbite mode until you heard, “You’re back!” Hearing the familiar voice instantly made you relax.

“Geez Wint, you really scared me there.” You sighed, but you could still feel your heart beating against your chest.

“Why are you so jumpy?”, he nuzzled his nose into your neck.

You tried to wiggle out of the embrace but it wasn’t happening, so you had to waddle to the eating area with him clinging to you. “I don’t know. It felt like someone was watching me.” You placed your bags on the table and turned around so you could finally hug Winter back.

He placed his metal hand on the back of your head to pull you closer to him. “It’s okay, no one is watching you.” For some reason you weren’t convinced this was true, but you tried to push that feeling away. Winter could tell you were still tense so he tried to change the subject. “So what does babushka have for us this week?”

He let you go and you went to the bags on the table. You started to dig through them and put the containers on the table. “We’ve got some soup, cabbage rolls, some potatoes, sweet bread, and I bought some fruit and milk.”

He hummed in joy at all the food. “Sounds great! Thank you for getting the food!” He came over and kissed the side of your head.

When he did that, a question you have been wondering for awhile resurfaced in your brain. You bit your lip to try to keep yourself from asking, but you couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“Hey Wint?”, you asked hesitantly.

Winter stopped what he was doing and turned to look at you, “Yeah Frost?”

You looked down at the ground and rubbed your arm. “Umm, well I don’t know how to ask this.”

Winter scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, “What?”

“Are we….” you paused with anxiety building in your chest, but you took a deep breath, “Are we in a relationship?”

“A relationship?... Frost”, he ran a hand through his hair.

When you heard the tone in his voice, you instantly knew where this was going. You could feel the pain pressing on your chest as tears filled your eyes. You weren’t sure why you were getting so upset over this. “I get it…”, you squeaked out.

“No Frost don’t!”, he quickly walked to you. “I don’t even know what a relationship is!”

“Like we are boyfriend and girlfriend”, you laughed through a tear.

“Of course we are friends!”, Winter gave you a pained look.

“No, Wint”, you laughed as you wiped a few stray tears off your face. “Boyfriends and girlfriends are more than friends. Like.. they love each other.”

His eyes widened at the word love. It was something that was always forbidden to him but now he is face to face with it. “I do love you.” He said in a very serious voice.

You looked at him with wide eyes, “You do?!”

“I really do.” He closed his eyes tight thinking about the first time he has felt this way, and it was the day he first saw you. When you were brought into his life, you brought back humanity too. You gave him: emotions, feelings, hope, the sense of comfort, you were everything good in his life. Now he really understood how much you meant to him. Suddenly, he felt the most pure and passionate feeling his has ever felt before, love.

Without thinking he grabbed your face in both of his hands and pulled your face into his. His rough lips crashed against yours. You were shocked by his sudden actions but you couldn’t help but melt into the kiss. This was the feeling Babushka Marina was talking about. It felt like your heart was fluttering in your chest, like your legs had just become jelly and he was the only thing that could keep you standing. Your brain had an explosion of thoughts that made everything a blur. You were so absorbed into this kiss that when you both pulled away you realized you weren’t breathing the entire time.

“You take my breath away, Winter”, you smirked against his lips.

“You take my pain away”, you whispered. “I really do love you.”

You looked at him with happy tears this time. “I love you too. **We’re in this together forever**.”

“ **And always** ”, he finished.


	12. Chapter 12

After weeks of searching for a house that would suit both you and Winter,finally you both settled on the perfect one. It was on the same street as Babuska Marina, which was great for you both, since you practically spent most of the money Zola left on the house. With this house you hoped a new life would sprout for you and Winter.   
When you left the base you never wanted to look back.   
“We’re finally home owners”, you smiled at Winter as you unlocked the front door.   
The sound of the door opening echoed throughout the tiny house. You plopped onto the dust covered furniture and looked around your new living room. Winter went to the dated curtains and pulled them open. Sun poured into the room and dust sparkled in the air.   
“I can’t believe we don’t have to live in that crappy cement block anymore”, Winter sighed in relief.  
“Yeah I know”, you sat up on the couch. “I’m so glad to be out of there.”   
“We can start new”, Winter pulled you up from the couch by the hand. He pulled you up with so much strength that you fell into his chest, and you couldn’t help but laugh.   
“We should change our names, we can’t go calling each other Winter and Frost in public”,you wrapped your arms around his waist and looked up at him.  
“Good point, I’m good with you calling me Bucky. It grew on me”, he reciprocated the affection and kissed your forehead.  
You made a funny scrunched face when he kissed you. “Well alright Mr.Bucky, and I will be Liliya because that’s what I told Babuska.”  
“I like that name”, he ran a hand through your hair.   
You pushed him onto the couch and straddled him on top. “I like you”, you kissed at his face.  
He hummed at the affection and rubbed your back. “Really?”, he asked sarcastically.   
You placed your forehead against his and gave him the puppy eyes, “Mhmm.”  
A smile grew on his face, and he put his hands under your thighs so he could pick you up. Winter lifted himself off the couch and held you up. “Well in that case we should celebrate our relationship.” He put you down and rummaged around in a box looking for your record player. “Ah here we go”, he said as he lifted the old player out of the box. He put it down and placed a record on it. After winding it up he placed the needle down on it and music filled the house. He walked back over to you, “Care to dance, printesa?”   
You giggled at your nickname and curtsied before taking his hand in yours. “This is a lovely choice of music”, you laughed as he spun you.   
He pulled you into him, “Good, because it’s the only record I could find.”  
You both laughed the entire time you moved your bodies to the upbeat music.   
You guys both agreed that this song would be the last before you started to unpack. It was a slower paced song, Winter pulled you close against his chest and brought you into an embrace while you both slowly swayed. “You’re home and you’ll never be alone with me, Frost”, he kissed the top of your head.   
That night you both couldn’t help but hide the smiles you guys wore as you held each other in bed. Your head was resting on top of his chest, his heartbeat filled your ear as you began to doze off.  
“I’m home”, you whispered to yourself.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear god guys, I am the worst!! I’m so sorry for the wait. College destroyed my brain and it was really hard to get back into writing!! I understand if you are not interested in the story anymore! But if you are here’s a fluffy story to make up for my absence.

“Have a good day at work”, you kissed Winter on the cheek.  It’s been almost  a year since you moved into your new home.

Winter got a job down at the docks carrying large boxes and equipment.  You got a job at an ice cream parlor in town.  This was perfect for you because you got to be around the cold and you were able to interact with people everyday.

You often worried about Winter when you had time for your mind to slip during work.  He was never great at adapting socially around new people, and you didn’t want something to trigger him into soldier mode.  

Every night when he walked through your door, a sigh of relief escaped your mouth.  Everyday with out a winter soldier incident is a day closer to moving on.  He would always come home so exhausted, you could just see it in his eyes.

“Hey Wint”, you said from the kitchen as he walked into the house.

“Yes, my love?”, he shouted loud enough for you to hear him.

You smiled at the loving name as you stirred the soup on the stove.  “Are you working tomorrow?”, you asked.

There was a pause of silence as Winter thought for a second. “No, I don’t actually. Why?” Winter entered the kitchen and wrapped his strong arms around your torso.  He rested his chin on your shoulder and hummed as he smelled the delicious meal you were making.

You smiled at the contact and leaned your head, so you could rest it against his.  “How do you feel about the idea of going to the lake tomorrow?  It’s supposed to be perfect weather for that.”

“That sounds great!  What about my arm though?”   You could hear his voice change at the mention of his arm.  

“Well you can wear a shirt and just put that sleeve you always wear over top of it.  You don’t have to go into the water all the way”, you suggested.

Winter’s mouth tugged to the right as he considered that option. “Hmmm, alright I guess that could work.”

You danced in your spot with excitement. “Yay!! I’m so excited to get out of this town for awhile!!”  

Winter smiled at your cute little wiggle that you called a dance. “You’re the cutest, Frost”, he said and quickly placed a peck on the side of your cheek.  “Is it alright if I go shower, or will the soup be ready soon?”, he asked.

“No you can go, I will keep it warm for you!”

With that you could hear his heavy footsteps make their way up the old wooden stairs.

 

Once you heard the water turn off from upstairs you started to set the table and cut some bread for the soup.  

“It smells amazing, printesa!” He gleamed with joy as he took a deep breath of the rich aroma.

“I knew Ciorbă ardelenească de porc was your favorite, and you’ve been working so hard that I figured this would be a nice reward after a tough week”, you poured the soup into two large bowls.  

Winter placed the bread on the table and instantly broke a piece off for him to eat.  You placed a bowl in front of him and one for you across.

You could see his chocolate eyes widen with joy once his soup was before him. “Thank you, my love, for making me delicious meals every night”, Winter thanked you before taking a spoonful of the soup.

A smile spread across your face at his appreciativeness.  “You’re welcome, thank you for eating everything even though it may not taste good.”

You both shared a laugh while reminiscing on all the meal disasters you have experienced together.

When the meal was over you washed the dishes as he dried them.  You kept telling him how excited you were to go to the lake tomorrow. You were so excited that it took you an hour of laying in bed before you could put your mind at rest so you could sleep.

 

 

The sun’s rays burned your eyelids making you wake up from your peaceful slumber. You groaned and rolled over to snuggle up to Winter. You kissed his cheek lightly and nestled your head into his neck.

“Good morning, Draga mea”, he said in his raspy morning voice.  Winter kissed the top of your head and wrapped his muscular arms around your torso.  

“Good morning, Wint.”  Your voice was soft, but showed your tiredness.

“How’d you sleep?”, he asked as he ran his fingers through your soft hair.

“Like a baby”, you hummed.

“Good, you will need a lot of energy for today.”

“Oh yeah!”, you shot up with eagerness. You threw the covers off of your legs and you hopped out of bed.  Before picking an outfit you opened the curtains so you could see better.

Winter groaned at the sunlight, “Ahh, it’s too bright.”

With a huge smile on your face you replied, “That means it’s a perfect day for a swim!” You pulled on your floral, high waisted bathing suit bottoms and tied on the matching top.

Winter couldn’t keep his eyes off of you and you caught him staring.  You were flattered by his wondering eyes and blushed at the attention.  Over top of your bathing suit you pulled on a light green sundress that had little polka dots all over it.  

“Alright, I’ll make breakfast while you get up!”, you gracefully danced out of the room.

 

You and Winter enjoyed your breakfast and then packed you bag for the lake.  Once ready, you both took the bus and sat on it for an hour before you arrived. The town with the lake was so lively.  People were out and about going to shops and dancing to some music that was playing.  There spirits were infectious and you couldn’t help but feel energized by watching them.  

You grabbed Winter’s hand and started to run to the water. “C’mon Buck!”  You had to remember to call him by “Bucky” in public.

The lake’s beach wasn’t too crowded.  You found the perfect spot that was the right distance from the water and other people.  Children’s giggles filled the air as they chased each other into the water, and the sound of their mother’s gossiping to each other were in the background.

“Isn’t it a lovely day?”, you sighed as you took off your dress.

“Yeah it’s great, good thing it isn’t very crowded.”

“Wanna come down to the water with me?”, you asked with a outstretched hand.

Winter put a hand on his forehead to shield his eyes from the sun.  You could see he was checking out the surroundings to see if their was anything suspicious. “Yeah, sure.”

He got up off his towel and dusted the sand off his swim trunks.  He placed his gloved hand into yours and walked down to the shore with you.  When the water came up and touched your toes a chill shot up your body, making you squeal.

“Ohhh, that’s chilly”, you exhaled.

Winter let out a laugh, “As if you’re not used to the cold”, he whispered.

You rolled your eyes at his little joke, “You know I haven’t used my powers in years.”

“I know, I was just joking around, dear.”  He kissed the side of your head and squeezed your hand a little tighter.  You pretended to be mad at his joke and Winter knew it, so he peppered your face in kisses till you burst into giggles.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough!”, you laughed as you tried to push his face away.  Once you finally got out of his grips you sprinted to where your towels were. Winter caught up quickly and was taking the lead, so when he was in reach you pushed him to the side making him fall into a pile of sand.

“Hey!”, he shouted.  To make things even he grabbed your ankle as you passed making you fall flat on your face.  You lifted your face out of the sand only to see Winter reach the towels before you.  You pouted in defeat and dusted yourself off.  Bucky laughed at your childish facial expression. “Oh c’mon I’ll buy you a milkshake at lunch”, he comforted you.

“Well, I guess that makes up for it”, you smiled.

“Alright let’s go get some lunch before my stomach eats itself”, he threw his arm around you as your grabbed your bag.  

 

For lunch you both ordered smoked sausage with a side of polenta and potatoes.  Then for dessert you shared a vanilla milkshake.  You were having such a wonderful, relaxing day with him, you couldn’t imagine what could make this day any better.  

To help digest your food, you both took a walk along the lake’s shore.  The farther you walked the less people were around, which was the best for Winter.  As you walked the two of you discussed dreams of yours and joked around with each other. Winter started to slow down until he was standing in front of you and he took your hands into his.  You weren’t sure what was going on, but you didn’t really think much of it.  

Winter looked deep into your (E/C) eyes, and took a shaky breathe before speaking.

“Frost, you are the most beautiful person I have ever met in my life.  I’m not just talking about your looks either.”  You blushed at his sweet words. “Ever since you came into my life, things have been different.  I’ve been wiped so many times the memory is blurry, but I always try to keep it tucked away.” He shut his eyes, as if he was thinking hard about something.  “I remember, you were like a wild flame.  Always shouting and trying to fight back like you were never going to give up.  You gave me hope, Frost.”  You smiled sadly at him, as tears filled his eyes.  “Even though they tried to change you into a little puppet, you stayed strong and kept a lot of you the same.  I really admired that, because you were what I yearned to be.  It pained me to watch them hurt you.”  He looked at you with sorrow.  “Every day they tried to break you, but they never could. You are the strongest person I know.  I’ve seen you have wounds where I thought ‘This is it, she’s not going to make it.’, but you get right back up and keep kicking ass.  Even when you were weak you would help me.  You are so selfless.”  He choked out the words as tears ran down his cheeks.  You wiped them away with your thumb and put a hand on his cheek.  He took a deep breath to gather himself. “You have been by my side for years, and I want to be by yours for the rest of my life.”

Winter went down on one knee and pulled a little velvet box out of his pocket.  “Frost, will you let me love you unconditionally and be by your side through the thick and thin for the rest of your life?  Will you marry me?”  He opened the box and revealed a dainty diamond ring that sparkled in the sun.  Your breath was caught in your throat, and your heart was pounding so fast you thought it would burst out of your chest.  You were completely lost for words, you never would have thought Winter would take the time to do this.  You figured that you both had an unspoken agreement on just growing old together, but this was completely different.

“Yes!”, you finally breathed out.

Bucky looked up at you with excitement. “Really?!”

You jumped into his arms making you both fall into the sand. “Yes!!! Of course, who else would I want to be with?!”  You giggled and attacked his face with kisses.  Happy tears ran down your face as he slid the ring onto your finger. “I can’t believe you did this”, you gasped.

“I was talking to Babushka and she suggested it.  She helped me pick out a ring. I know it’s not much but-”, you cut him off.

 “No, I love it!! It’s perfect.”

You laid in his arms for a bit and sighed, “I can’t believe we will be married.”

“I know”, Winter gleamed at the thought of it. “Do you think we will have kids?”

Your face softened at the thought, “Maybe one day, I don’t if my body will allow it though.”  You saw him trying to hide his sadness. “Oh Wint, it’s okay, we will worry about it when the time comes.  If it’s not possible then we will get a dog!”

“Ten dogs?!”, he suggested with excitement.

“Alright, don’t push it.”  You both laughed at the suggestion and continued to watch the sunlight glisten off the water.  Who would’ve thought that you would be marrying the same mysterious man that you met the day Zola brought you in.


	14. Chapter 14

It was three months till your wedding.  You and Winter were to be married on September 1, 1970.  The two of you were so excited, and he has been a great help with the planning.  The friends that you have made are so jealous at how helpful he has been.  They always tell you how lucky you are and how he is a keeper.

Of course, you knew these things before they ever reminded you.  You thank the heavens every day for giving him to you.  You couldn’t help but smile at the thought of him.  

He gets off early from work today, so you wanted to surprise him with a huge meal and sexy outfit for when he got home.  

Just as you were getting ready you heard a loud explosion that shook the whole town.  You placed your hands on top of your vanity to keep yourself from falling.  You were surprised the house didn’t collapse from that.  

Once the ground settled you realized how fast your heart was racing, because you knew this had to do with Winter.  The explosion sounded like it came from the docks, so you threw on your shoes and ran out the door.  

It was complete chaos outside.  People were screaming and running away from the where the south part of tow.  There were gunshots in the distance and another explosion shook the ground.

You ran down your street so you could see what was going on.  There was a huge smoke cloud coming from the dock’s warehouse and you instantly sprinted in that direction.

For the first time in forever, you had to mentally prepare yourself for a fight.  You were actually nervous.  You’ve always had Winter and even then, you had trained everyday to keep your agility and powers up.  

“Get inside!!”, you yelled at the town's people.  “GO!!”, you shouted again as you saw men in black coming up the cobbled street.  

The street cleared out so it was just you and the men.  Right when one of them put a gun up at you, a small child ran out of a little store and stood in front of you.

You were completely taken back by this and you stared at him in shock.

“Don’t worry, I will protect you”, the little child gave you a smile that lacked front teeth.  

“Sebastian, no!!”, his mother shouted from the shelter.

Suddenly the men started to shoot at the both of you.  Your powers weren’t warmed up, so you had to make the little bit that you could do count.  

You created a strip of ice that led straight to the first man.  Quickly, you grabbed the child and held him in both of your arms.  Then you sprinted towards the patch of ice and slid onto your back towards the man.

You put the kids face into the crook of your neck and placed a hand onto the back of his head to protect him.  

Once you had a tight hold on the child you grabbed the attacker’s leg with your other hand and pulled with all your strength as you passed between his legs. The man fell hard and smacked his face against the street.  He was knocked unconscious at the impact, but there were still two more threats.

You stood up smoothly and had to run to a stop once you were met with the end of your ice strip.  You put the child down and made an ice dome around him.  “Don’t worry, ursuleț, you will be safe in there.”

You turned to the man closest to you and decided to do hand to hand combat. With great speed you kicked his gun out of his hand and froze it in mid air.

“What the fuck”, the man cursed in surprise.

While he was caught off guard you took your foot to his chest and kicked with so much force that you sent him flying through a vending cart.  You knew the other man was coming, so you swung your elbow out at head height, perfectly coming into contact with his face.  

The goon that went through the cart had squashed tomatoes all over him, he was clearly not enjoying this.

“Enough of this nonsense and submit to Hydra!”, he shouted at you in annoyance.

Your heart fell into your stomach, “Hydra is back?”, you whispered to yourself in shock.

Suddenly you felt wood break against the back of your head, making you stumble forward.  You forgot that you were much stronger than the average man, so that hardly hurt.  

Now you were pissed.  “Hydra has no business here!”, you shouted at them.

You could tell they were taken back by you being fine after that blow to the head, but they kept a tough facade.

The second in command let out a shaky laugh, “Ha, sounds like she’s trying to back out of the fight.”

You rolled your eyes irritated, “You are wasting my time.”  You felt the man behind you getting ready to attack you again and when he threw a punch you caught it in your hand and froze the other man in place with an outstretched hand.

The man that had his fist in your hand gasped, “It’s Frostbite! She’s real!”

“You bet I am”, you said as you twisted his arm behind his back and threw him onto the ground.  He flipped himself onto his back so he could prepare himself for your attack.

You froze his hands to the ground and placed a foot onto his chest.  You leaned down, so you were close to his face. “Now tell me why Hydra is attacking  _ my _ town”, you said through gritted teeth.

“You think I’m threatened by you?  _ A woman _ ?”, he spit at you and laughed in your face.

You wiped it off with the back of your hand and snarled, “No respect.”  Instantly you rose your fist and brought it down onto his face, knocking him out cold.

You stomped your way over to the man who was still frozen in place. “Should I waste my time on you too?”

He didn’t reply so you once again had to resort to smashing your fist against his face till he was unconscious.

You let out a frustrated breath and unfroze the dome that protected the child.   You picked him up and walked him to his mother. “Are you okay, little one?”, you asked before passing him to her.

“Yes, you’re the best ice witch”, he gave you a big hug making you laugh as you handed him over

His mother was in tears, “thank you so much.”

“It’s no problem.  You have a brave kid, keep an eye on him.”   You bent down and ruffled his hair, “Stay out of trouble.”  He shook his head “Yes”, so you left.

Suddenly another explosion broke the warm moment.  You knew the clock was ticking and you couldn’t waste anymore precious time, so you break into a sprint towards the warehouse.  Men were pouring out of there like ants.  You had to force your way against the crowd, searching for the Winter’s face.

“Bucky!!!”, you shouted at the crowd hoping he would hear you. “Has anyone seen Bucky?!”, you yelled again. Your heart was pounding with every second that passed.  A familiar face caught your eye; you saw his friend Mark and grabbed him by his shirt collar. “Where’s Bucky?!”, you yelled over the men.  He looked at you like he saw a ghost. He wasn’t replying so you slapped him across the face. “MARK!!”, you shook him.

“He’s”, he swallowed, “in there.” He gestured towards the smoking building. “Something’s gotta be wrong with him! He’s acting crazy and his arm!!” His eyes widened at the memory of his arm.

You knew exactly what he was talking about but you still asked anyway, “What about his arm?!”

Mark paused for a few seconds as he tried to make sense of what he saw. “It was all metal!!!”

Your jaw tightened with anger.  You tried to move past him to go make an attack but he caught your shoulder.  You looked at him in disbelief, as if he had no right to hold you back.

He gave you this concerned look. “Th-th-there’s men in their, who want him.  Be careful. ”

You nodded your head and acknowledged his warning.  He let go of you, so you continued to make your way towards the entrance.

“What are you going to do?”, he shouted back in surprise.

“I’ll make them rue the day they stepped foot in this town”, you growled.  

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys sorry I’m trash, and didn’t update in so long! I was going to give up on this fic but recently I got a comment that just reminded me why I enjoyed writing these and I didn’t want to disappoint those who have actually been enjoying and reading these when I post them. This chapter is pretty angst but don’t worry things will begin to get better, no matter what has just happened. Love you guys and please comment and like if you want me to continue the series.

You burst through the doors in anger, ready to fight at any second.  Before you even got a chance to look around the warehouse you were hit with great force on the side of your head.  The strength of the punch sent you flying to the ground.  You came to a rolling stop and groaned at the throbbing pain that now flooded through your head.  

When you looked up to see who your attacker was you gasped, the sight of seeing Winter there in front of you squeezed your heart.  You didn’t care if he had hit you. Maybe he thought you would be someone else, so you instantly got up to embrace your lover.  But once again he punched you straight in the face making you fall down onto the ground again.

You gasped in pain, “Winter, what are yo-.”  He cut you off by trying to lay another punch on you.  You rolled over avoiding metal to the face again.  His aggression towards you was really confusing, but right now you needed to worry about avoiding those hits.  The idea of hitting him made you sick so you took a more defensive approach.  

You tried to freeze his feet to the ground to make him atleast stand still, but his strength was too much.  He instantly broke the ice around his feet by lifting up his leg.  He sauntered around you like prey, waiting for the right time to attack instead of pouncing every second he had.  His stare was intimidating and cold, he wasn’t the same person you woke up to this morning.

“Winter”, you gasped in a hopeless tone while you dodged his fists.  Seeing him like this made your mind go blank, it was like you couldn’t function correctly.

“Ha, look how soft you have gotten, Frostbite”, a mysterious voice echoed off the metal walls.  “You can’t even hit him back.”

Your eyes wondered, looking for the mysterious man. “Who are you?”, you shouted back in anger.

“Oh that’s not important.  What is important is that the Winter Soldier is back.”  The voice was deep and got louder with every second.  Suddenly a man with his hands casually in his pants pockets came out of the shadows.  “You’ve really lost your touch haven’t you”, he teased you in a sinister tone.

“Fuck off”, you breathed out.  You were getting tired quickly, you didn’t have the same stamina as Winter.  Your arms were getting sore from blocking his punches, so you swiped his legs from under him.  When he fell to the ground you jumped on top of him and froze his hands and legs to the floor one last time.  Surprisingly it was working quite well, considering his heavy breathing he was probably tired too.

You leaned down and pressed both of your hands on the side of his face so he could look you in the eyes.  Winter’s eyes were searching for everything but you to look at, until you said in a soothing voice, “Bucky.”  You could see something in his ice blue eyes change, but he still tried to escape your grasp.

“What did you do to him?!”, you shouted with pure anger at the man.

“What we should have done a long time ago”, he said.  Then he went into his jacket and pulled out a red leather notebook with a star on it.  Your heart dropped to your stomach when you realized what it was. “Remember this?”, he gave you a malicious smile.

You clenched your jaw, “How did you find that?”

The man walked around you and started flipping through the pages. “Oh, we have been searching for this ever since the fall of Dr.Zola.”  He continued going through the book, “You see Zola was smart enough to make two copies of this notebook.”  Your eyebrows furrowed in anger at the memory of burning the original book.  For the split second that your guard was down, Winter broke free from his restraints and pinned you to the ground. The sound of your body smashing into the concrete ground echoed throughout the building.  

The man stopped and bent down so he could get closer to you.  “We are lucky Zola, was a step ahead, but I bet he didn’t think you would be the traitor”, his words lingered against your skin making chills run down your body.  Your face contorted in disgust and you tried to wiggle free from Winter.  The man got up again and paced around you. “Zola was a fool for trusting you, Frostbite.  Without him around you thought you could just run away from the past?”

“I didn’t run, everyone left”, you snarled at him.

“Except your precious Winter”, the smile he gave made you uneasy.  “Well too bad that’s all going to change once we are done here”, he said with fake empathy.

“I would rather die than work for Hydra again”, you spit at him with pure hatred.

“Well good thing that’s exactly what you’re going to do, my dear.” Winter quickly got off of you but before you could even react the man came over and kicked you in the ribs, making the gasp in pain.  “We don’t need you anymore”, he said after another blow to your side.  You watched Winter slowly walk out of the building between assaults. “Something went wrong with you, and I’m not going to let you get in Hydra’s way again.” He then quickly grabbed you by the throat and said with disgust and disappointment. “You clearly can’t defend yourself anyway.” With that he threw you by the throat back down to the ground.  Your head smashed onto the ground and the impact made you start to slowly fade in and out of consciousness.

“It’s quite sad to see that this is how the famous (Y/N) (L/N) will be going out.”  He raised an eyebrow at you, “Bet you haven’t heard that name in a long time, huh?”

“(Y/N)?”, you questioned as your brain started to sift through memories.

“Oh yes I can see it now”, he puts up to hands as if imagining the layout of a newspaper. “The American loved legend (Y/N) (L/N)’s dead body found in a tiny town in Sokovia.”

The memories began to wash over your brain, cleansing all the cover ups and lies that were told to you.  Every little memory leading up to this point played in your head in seconds.  

The new face of Hydra knew he had you beat.  He watched your eyes change as the realization hit you.  After bringing you the joy of finally remembering who you were, he wanted to take it all away.  As he began to walk away you heard him say, “Alright boys, take this building down.”

You cried out in pain as you rolled on your stomach.  The metal walls of the warehouse moaned as the effects of gravity started to make the building cave in on itself.  Pieces from the ceiling were falling everywhere and you knew if you didn’t get up soon, you’d be dead.  The excruciating pain not only in your body, but also your heart, made it so hard for you to even lift yourself.  Tears started to sting your eyes as the aching consumed your body.  You really thought you would make it, but before you could even get on your knees, the building collapsed on top of you.   

The town people watched as their dock’s warehouse was completely destroyed in seconds. A cloud of dust shot up in the air and as it settled some people began to realize “the hero”, had not come back out of the building.  Many ran to look for you through the rubble, even though they knew deep down that it was a hopeless cause.

They bowed their heads in sorrow as the search seemed to come to its end without finding you.  But just as they were about to leave you woke up.

You coughed from the picked up dust irritating your lungs.  You tried to move but realized you were pinned to the ground.  Your head was throbbing and you couldn’t even think straight. It was so dark under the piles of metal, that you thought you had died.  Although in matter of seconds you became very aware of the he agonizing pain that washed over your body. That was a harsh reminder that you were, in fact, alive.

Once again you tried to lift yourself, but it was no use. Tears stained your dirt covered face as you cried out for anybody, somebody. You thought you were going to die here, and deep down you were okay with that.  You had lost the only thing you had loved, and you knew you weren’t strong enough to get him back.

Your sobs became louder as the idea of escaping became more and more impossible. “Help, please”, you wheezed out.

“Where are you?!”, you heard a distant voice.  

“I’m here, I’m here. Please, I can’t do this!”, you cried.

“We can’t find you!” That sentence crushed your heart.

You accepted defeat and relaxed under the tons of rubble, as tears continued to fall. You were about to close your eyes in exhaustion when something shined in your eye.  You looked at your hand and realized there was a peak of sunshine that was making your engagement ring sparkle. If sunshine was able to get through, then there must be a weak spot in the pile. You had to do this for Bucky, you couldn’t just let him go through all of this again.  You knew you had to do this for Steve too, he would be so disappointed in you, if he knew you were about to give up while Bucky was in danger.  Maybe if you got up in time they would still be in town.  As long as they didn’t leave you knew you could get him back.

You groaned as you moved your hands, so you could bend your arms.  You took a deep breath and whimpered in pain, “You can do this (Y/N), you can do this.”

You screamed as your body slowly was lifting off the ground. When your arms were fully extended out in front of you, you took a few deep breaths before getting onto your feet. A cry echoed out onto the town as you slowly squatted up, lifting all the metal that was on top of you. You could hardly hold the load any longer so you threw it to the side, impressing everyone who was watching.  They ran to your side to help you climb out of the metal scraps.

They held you up as you walked, you had pushed your body way over the edge.  Off in the distance you could see Babushka running towards you.  As you reached the cobbled streets you completely collapsed at Babushka Marina’s feet.

Your head hung in exhaustion, “Where’s Bucky?”

She kneeled down to you level, “I’m sorry child but they’ve been gone for hours.”

Your heart sank and pained cries raked your chest. She put a loving hand on your back, “I know, my love.”

Your heartbroken tears turned into rage.  You clenched your fist in anger, and your breathing was picking up.  The powers that you have been repressing for years were resurfacing all at once, and you had no intention of holding anything back.  

Marina could feel the energy radiating off of you and she knew that no one should be around when you go off.  As she warned people to find shelter, your powers were building up.  

Your whole body tingled and your mind clouded with fury.  You could feel it all in your chest and when it was too much to hold any longer you let go. With a cry that shook the whole town a wave of coldness and ice traveled all around you with great power.  It knocked over, and froze everything in it’s path, besides the buildings.  

When the people came out, snow was falling to the ice covered ground, and there you were in the middle of all of it.

You let out a few more breaths to calm yourself down, but your body was overworked and that the last thing your body needed.  You were fatigued and before your blacked out Babushka ran to your side and caught your limp body before it fell to the ground.  Your vision was going blurry and you hearing was fading away.  The last thing you heard was her say, “It’s time to take her home.”

 


	16. Chapter 16

The sound of your heart beat filled your ears.  You could feel the warm rays of the sun kissing your skin, and the cool summer breeze making your hair dance in the wind.  You slowly opened your eyes to see you were in some kind of field with tall grass and flowers. This place seemed so familiar, and oddly comforting.  

You could see a large tent and man off in the distance, so you walked in that direction. You pushed the weeds to the side while some stray grass tickled your skin.  You could feel your heart rate picking up with every step you took.  The man was a tall brunette, Bucky.  You began to pick up your speed until you were running towards him.  Happy tears filled your eyes as you embraced your lost lover.

He turned around and placed his gentle fingertips, examining your face.  “You look as beautiful as I remembered.”  He kissed your red lips and placed his hands on your rosy cheeks.  When your lips parted he ran his hands through your perfectly curled hair and rested his forehead against yours.”Say you’ll remember me”, he said in a sad tone.

“Of course, I will Buck”, you choked out a tear.  There you were standing in a nice dress as the sunset around you.

“Say you’ll see me again, even if it’s just in your wildest dreams”, he gave you one last kiss before he faded away.  

“Buck!”, you shouted out into the nothingness.  

It became dark, and with a cold gust of wind, a familiar voice echoed, “Nothing lasts forever.”

You closed your eyes and hugged yourself, when you opened your eyes you were in your old apartment with Steve laying next to you in the bed. He rolled over and looked at you with his beautiful baby blue eyes.  “Let’s get out of this town, drive out of the city, away from the crowds.”

“Steve?”, you couldn’t believe your eyes.  His soft golden hair fell over his eyes as he got up.

“I missed you”, he ran his fingers through your hair before getting up.

He was so tall and handsome as hell.  It was like you were seeing him for the first time again.  You grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug.  “I haven’t hugged you in so long, Steve.”

“I know”, his voice was deep and filled with sorrow.  He kissed the top of your head and his lips began to make their way down your face till his lips hovered over yours. “Know one has to know what we do.”  His hands were tangled in your hair.

Then the familiar voice echoed in the room, “nothing lasts forever.”

Once again another love slipped through your fingertips as Steve faded away and you were left alone.

You were becoming frustrated with yourself.  You couldn’t understand what was going on or why this was all happening.  Suddenly you heard giggling come from the living room.  You quickly peeked your head out of your bedroom and there you, Bucky, and Steve were all cuddled on the couch.  You walked slowly out of the shadows to get a closer look at what you were watching.

The three of you were wrapped up in blankets and listening to the radio.  Steve was skinny and sandwiched between you and Bucky like old times.  You couldn’t help but smile at the old memory that was before you.  

Suddenly the front door swung open bringing in a bone chilling wind.  You went over to close it when you heard laughter outside.  When you stepped out, your feet crunched cold snow that blanketed over New York.  You and Bucky were having a snowball fight.  You could see the pure joy that was plastered all over your face.  Then Steve popped out of nowhere chasing you with a snow ball.

You felt inclined to follow your past self and Steve as they ran out of the alleyway.  As you rounded the corner, you and Steve were gone and the snow blew away from the streets of Brooklyn.

“Would you guys be my friends, even if I had a third arm?”, you watched your old self, Steve and Bucky pass on the sidewalk.  

“Hmmm maybe”, Bucky said debating the scenario.  

“You could be in the circus and make a lot of money”, Steve suggested.

The three of you laughed at the idea of that, then turned into your favorite park.

You were following close behind, but you were stopped by a voice behind you. “I bet these memories follow you around.”

You turned around surprised, there was Steve in his uniform right before he crashed the plane, and Bucky in his howling commando uniform.

“Is this real?”, you said in disbelief.  Your mind was spinning with information and old memories, it was like your brain was about to explode.

“It’s just a dream, doll”, Bucky said with his charming smile.

“You’ll see us again, darling”, Steve took a step closer to you.

“Even if it’s just pretend”, Bucky added as both him and Steve embraced you one last time.

“Even if it’s just in your wildest dreams”, both of their voices faded and you left alone in the black nothingness of your dream.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I’m back from vacation and will have time to write again!! This is like a turning point in the reader’s life and I hope you guys are still interested in where this is going!!

The blank thoughts in your mind began to be invaded with outside noise.  You could here a monitor that beeped consistently, and some murmuring in the background.  Did you dare open your eyes?  You hoped that this would just be another dream where Steve and Bucky could reunite with you again.  But you knew that wasn’t the case, wherever you were was bright and  felt cold.  After some time debating if you really wanted to enter reality again, you finally pried your eyes open.  

All you could see was white and blurs until your eyes adjusted to the room.  Nobody seemed to notice your consciousness, or maybe they just didn’t care.  You looked around and saw that your arms and legs were strapped to the bed, and you were hooked up to all kinds of machines.  Were you being experimented on again, because this looks all too familiar. You didn’t waste a second trying to escape from your impending torture.  

You yanked and thrashed your arms trying to somehow free yourself from the leather straps.  The people in the room ran to you to make you stop, but you weren’t having it.  You tried to shove and shake them off, scared you would be made into a weapon again if you gave up.

“I won’t work for HYDRA again!!”, you shouted at them. 

Suddenly two other people burst into the room and told the others to back up.  Both of them ran to each side of you and put a comforting hand on you. 

“It’s alright, you’re safe here”, a soothing voice said.  You looked up at the source, and your heart squeezed at the beautiful, familiar face. 

Your body completely froze and you could feel the tears stinging your tired, dry eyes. “Peggy”, you gasped in disbelief.

“Hey, don’t forget about me”, you heard a man’s voice.  You turned your head to the left to see Howard hiding his tears with a smile.  “You’re finally home”, he put his hand on your cheek as he let a tear escape.  

They both looked different, aged.  They had faint wrinkles at the corners of their eyes and mouths.  You knew you were gone for a long time, but you didn’t think about how others around you would age while the serum and enhancements kept you as youthful as the day you got them.  

Your heart began to race and so did your mind. You thought you would die, how did you even get here?  Howard could see the confusion and plee for help in your eyes, so he decided to do some explaining.  

“You’ve been in a coma for a few days, it’s still June 1970”, you nodded along to the information. “Marian, is an agent for SHIELD who was sent to look after you and make sure your new life was okay.”  Your jaw dropped at the news, Babushka wasn’t Babushka after all?  “I know, I know”, he laughed at your reaction.  “We wanted to make sure you were okay”, he explained softly.

“After you left us for the last time, we decided that we shouldn’t intervene on your life”, Peggy spoke up with sadness in her voice.  “We knew one day we would get you back”, her thumb traced circles on your arm.

The memory of leaving them after a mission was vague, but you could remember the look on their faces when you left them.  You eyebrows furrowed with guilt, “I’m so sorry.”

“No!”, they both defended. “It’s okay”, Howard comforted.  

There was a silence, but then you jokingly said, “You both got old while I was gone.”

You watched their wrinkles appear on their faces as you three laughed. “Well that’s what happens when you aren’t enhanced with serum”, Peggy sighed.

“I still look good though, right?”, Howard dramatically ran a hand through his hair making you crack up.

“Of course”, you managed to say after.  You sighed as what looked like a doctor came in.

“Mr. Stark, she seems to be stable, she can go home at any time now”, the doctor said while writing on a clipboard. 

You both turned to look at each other with huge grins.  “Home” seemed like such a foreign concept to you, but you were ready to settle down once and for all.  You tried to push the memories of Steve and Bucky away just for a few minutes, so you could stay happy in this moment.  

“Well let’s get you out of here then”, Peggy smiled and called over a nurse to unstrap you and unhook you from the machines.  Once you were finally free, she gave you some clothes to put on and ushered Howard and herself out of your room.

At first you just stared at the folded clothes that were placed on your lap.  There was a yellow t-shirt and some high waisted bell bottom jeans.  She also brought you a pair of clogs that seemed rather comfy.  Sighing, you got up and stretched your stiff limbs.  Your body ached with every move you made, but you knew your body would probably heal in another day.  Out of the corner of your eyes you could see Peggy and Howard talking from the window.

 

“I can’t believe she’s actually back”, Howard rubbed a hand over his face.

Peggy looked at you waiting in your room, “Yeah”, she smiled.  She then moved closer to Howard. “Does Maria know?”

Howard looked at you too, “What? About (Y/N)? She’s okay with her staying with us.”

Peggy gave her friend a sympathetic look, “No, Howard about before she disappeared.”

Howard’s eyes softened and he put his hands in his pocket.  He gave you another glance, and you smiled at him through the window.  Pain rose to his chest at the memory. “No, Maria doesn’t know I was going to propose to (Y/N). She doesn’t need to know.”  He then left Peggy to get you.  Howard put on a fake smile and opened up your door. “Ready to go?”, he asked.

You looked at your new clothes one last time, “Uhh yeah.”  You followed Peggy and Howard out of  the very large and confusing building. “Is this even a hospital?”, you walked quickly up to them so you could ask the question quietly. 

“This is the SHIELD headquarters, we didn’t think it was safe to bring you to a hospital”, Peggy enlightened you. 

You looked around and nodded as you took in the place.  It was very official, security always walking around and there were passcodes for every possible door.  Finally, you exited the building to see Jarvis waiting for you guys by a car. “JARVIS!”, you shouted as you ran to embrace him. 

He wrapped his arms around your torso, “It’s so good to have you back Ms, (L/N).”

“I can’t believe you’re still dealing with Howard”, you laughed and pulled away.

“Well, I couldn’t leave especially with the-”, Jarvis was cut off.

“With the news of you being back”, Howard suddenly chimed in loudly over Jarvis.  He raised his eyebrows at Jarvis as if hinting something to him silently. After a few seconds Jarvis seemed to get it and made an “o” with his mouth. “Yes, of course!”

Howard put his hand on your lower back as he opened the car door for you. “I have some things to catch you up on.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, “Alright.”

 

After a few minutes of sitting in silence Howard spoke up.  “So I guess we should tell you about the ‘old’ us”, Howard said jokingly.  “Well, I know this may sound surprising, but I am happily married now.”

Your eyebrows lifted in shock. “Really?!”, you said happily.  Even though deep down hearing that made you feel…..weird.  You had to hide the discomfort that filled your chest, so you put on a happy facade. “She must not know what she had gotten herself into”, you nudged Peggy on the arm to lighten the mood.

Howard laughed, “Hey, I’m not the only one who buckled down.”, clearly hinting at Peggy.

You looked at her confused.  Peggy actually moved on from Steve.  How did she find someone better than Steve?  You could feel the heat rising to your face as your thoughts angered you.  When you realized you haven’t said anything you awkwardly laughed and turned your face away from her. “Sorry I missed the weddings”, you said with a hint of bitterness.  

No one said anything after that.  You distracted yourself by looking out the window by looking at the houses and trees.  After another half hour the car rolled up to the Stark mansion.  It look exactly like you remembered 30 years ago.  The same decorative shrubs accenting the drive way.  The fountain in the center of the turning circle still sprayed water that sparkled in the sunlight.  

You got out of the car and took a deep breath of the fresh air.  Then a woman came out of the house holding a little bundle in a blanket.

“Maria, this is (Y/N)”, Howard introduced you to his beautiful wife.  You greeted her and looked at what she was holding.  “(Y/N), this is Anthony Howard Stark, our baby”, he picked up the baby and snuggled him against his chest. “He was born in May.”

“Anthony”, you repeated.  

“Yeah, remember?  That name was perfect, so I kept it with me till I finally had a child.”  He held Anthony out to you, who was peacefully sleeping. “We call him Tony for short though.”

“He’s so beautiful”, you whispered as you gazed down at him.

“Here, you can hold him”, Howard pressed Tony against your chest. 

Your heart began to race as he tried to hand him over. “No, I shouldn’t”, you tried to abject. 

“No, here hold him”, Howard grabbed your arms so you could take Tony. 

You finally gave in and cradled the little bundle like he was made of glass.  

Ever since that moment, you never wanted to part from him.  You began to love him as your own.  When Maria and Howard were busy, you would take care of Tony.  His room was actually next to yours, so when he would cry at night you were the one to calm him down.  Since you weren’t ready to go back to work you were around a lot, so what better way to spend your days than with little Tony. 

Howard promised he had people at SHIELD looking for Bucky while you were taking a break.  You still felt guilty about not jumping right into the search, but when you looked a little Tony that all went away.  He made you forget about all the pain you had and haunting thoughts.  Tony was always such a smiley baby, never failing to give you a gummy grin every time he saw you.  He was also your dance partner when you two were left around the mansion alone.

 

After lunch time you would turn on your record player and play some music.  You would pick up Tony and hold him with one arm and hold his little hand with the other.  You’d sway and spin around, dancing to the music from the 40’s.  Tony always wrapped his hand around your index finger and rest his head on your shoulder.  Dancing with him was always an easy way to get him down for his nap.  It took him maybe 3 songs to fall sound asleep.

You slowly walked to his room and placed him down into his crib.  You smiled to yourself sadly as the thought of Bucky, and Steve creeped into your brain.  You ran a gentle thumb over Tony’s head as you imagined Bucky, and Steve being here with you.  They would’ve loved to meet Tony and play around with him.  You were so stuck in your thoughts that you didn’t hear Peggy come in.

A gasp escaped your lips when you turned around to see her leaning against the doorway.

“Geez Pegs, I wasn’t expecting you”, you yell whispered.  You lightly pushed her out of the sleeping baby’s room and left the door cracked open.  

“Sorry, I just had something I’ve been meaning to give to you”, she said with a hint of seriousness.

You looked at her suspiciously and led her to the living room.  “Do you want some tea?”, you asked politely.

“Sure, you know how I like it”, she smiled and took a seat on the sofa.

“One sugar and a splash of milk, on the way”, you winked and made your way to the kitchen.  

You came back with a mugs of tea for the both of you.  Peggy took her tea from you as you sat down next to her. “So what did you want to give me?”

Peggy placed her drink on the table and took a deep breath. “I was waiting to give this to you for when I thought you were ready.”  You sipped your tea as you waited for her to keep going.  She took another breath and put her hand in her pants’ pocket.  Her hand was closed when she pulled it back out.  You sat up, interested to see what was in the palm of her hand.  

When she finally pulled back her fingers, you let out a little gasp.  

The familiar silver locket shined in the dim sunlight.  You put down your mug and put your hand out.  Peggy placed the necklace in your hand and watched your reaction.  The tears began to sting your eyes as you remembered exactly what this was. “My locket”, you sobbed out. 

“I kept it for you, knowing you’d come back to us”, Peggy tried to give you a smile. 

Your fingers were shaking as you took a closer look at it.  There was a splash of erosion on the front of the engraved locket, but it was still exactly the same.  You popped it open with your nail, and instantly threw your hand over your mouth to quiet your cries.  

There they were, Bucky and skinny Steve grinning like fools.  The tears poured out of your eyes as you let out a happy cry.  You jumped into Peggy’s arms and hid your face into her neck, “Thank you so much.”

She rubbed circles on your back. “You’re welcome, my love.”

You pulled away and let out another sob as you tried to wipe the tears from your face.  Peggy took the necklace from you to help put it around your neck.  Before she could clasp it you stopped her and pulled something out of your pocket.  You held your engagement ring from Bucky between your index finger and thumb. “Can I put this on it first?”, you asked hesitantly.

Peggy’s face twisted down in sympathy for you and let you slide the ring onto the chain.  You moved your hair to the side so she could clasp the necklace.  Peggy’s hands traced a line down the chain to the locket when it was finally around your neck. You met your hand with hers, making her look at you.  

“Thank you, for bringing them back to me”, you said softly while giving her soft hand a squeeze.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've updated!! School is literally ruling my life and I just never have time to spare!! Thank you to those who have been commenting and giving me kudos, I appreciate it sooooo much!!

**[1972]  
**

“Anthony Howard Stark, you come back here!!”, you shouted after the little toddler that was streaking around the mansion.  “Dear lord, how do you have so much energy?”, you huffed and rested your hands on your knees.  This has been going on for 10 minutes now and it has really run its course.  You put your hand out and created an ice barrier around Tony.  

He didn’t see it coming so he lightly ran into it and bounced off of it.  “Gotcha”, you laughed and picked the confused child up, while removing the ice with your powers. “Thought you could get away from me this time didn’t you.”  You tickled his chubby cheek with your nose and carried him back to his room.  

“Glad to see you dealt with the code white”, Jarvis came from the kitchen.  

You dressed little Tony and snickered, “Yeah I had to use my powers on him this time.  He’s so fast now.”  You buttoned up his onsie and set him on the floor.

Tony waddled over to Jarvis and murmured up with out stretched hands.  Jarvis couldn’t help but comply, so he picked him up and rested him on his hip.  “Howard and Peggy would like you to meet them at the SHIELD complex today.”

You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose.  “How many times do I have to tell them I’m not ready to go out there yet.”  Yeah it’s been two years since your return, but you still have sleepless nights about what you’ve done in the past.  It’s not easy, you know forgetting isn’t any option for you.  You’re just trying to learn to cope.

“Well I think it has to do with, Mr. Barnes”, Jarvis said softly.  

Your heart stopped at the mention of his name. “Really?”, you choked out.

“Yes, I heard they have his whereabouts”, Jarvis bounced Tony up and down.

You were lost in thought for a couple seconds, “You can handle the little monster while I’m gone?”

“Of course, we can go to the park”, Jarvis replied with a smile.

“Alright, I’ll get ready then”, you walked passed them and gave Tony a quick peck on the cheek.

**[AT THE SHIELD BASE]**

“So we’ve basically intersected the messages going between the Hydra bases”, Howard explains as he points at the map.

“Okay, so you’re sending agents over to stop both bases before any moves are going to be made?”, you ask just trying to make sure you have the plans correct.

Peggy walks around to where Howard is standing, “Precisely, but the one problem is that they are sending the Winter- I mean Mr.Barnes to oversee the plan.” Peggy has to correct herself knowing how much you hate referencing to Bucky as the Winter Soldier.

“Wait-”, you put a hand up as your thoughts finally put two and two together. “Is that why I’m here? You want me to distract him?”, you say almost disgusted.

“Well (Y/N) he will take out all our agents, we-”, Howard gets cut off by you.

“No, I already have told you two that I’m not ready to go out there- I can’t”, you look away ashamed.

Peggy comes over to your side, “(Y/N) listen to me.” She grabs your hands and holds them in hers.  “We know you say you aren’t ready but you’ve been training.  I don’t think you’re not ready, I think you’re scared.”

Your eyes widen when the truth finally hits you.  You’ve been physically healthy for a year now, you have no real excuses as to why you can’t go into the field again besides, “I’m not ready.”

“Just think about it today, okay?  You’re the one person who can protect our agents… and Bucky”, Peggy squeezes your hand and ushers Howard out of the conference room to leave you with your thoughts.

Maybe it was time for you to finally do something with yourself.  As much as you loved looking after Tony that was originally Jarvis’s job so you don’t really need to.  You rub your hands over your face in frustration and shove your coat back on to head back to the mansion.

**[MANSION]**

You try to go straight to your room because you have a lot on your mind that you don’t really want to talk about.  Of course, when you pass Tony’s room you can hear his soft cries as he wakes for his nap.  You feel so off you almost ignore it without a thought but he just cried louder once you got closer to the door.  Your heart can’t stand when you hear his cries so you push open the door and shush him as you walk in.

“Shhhh it’s okay sweetheart”, you coo as you pick him up from his crib. “How’d you sleep, huh?”, you ask softly to him in a sweet voice as you rest him on your hip.  

Tony instantly rests his head on your shoulder and mindlessly grabs at your locket like its his security blanket.  He snuggles himself closer to your body, sniffling every few seconds from his crying earlier.

“You want a snack?”, you ask as you grab his sippy cup and carry him out into the kitchen, where you set him down into his high chair.  “Want some fruit?”, you give his head a kiss and he nods still a bit sleepy.  You can’t help but smile at his adorableness when you look at him.  You go to the fridge and cut grapes in half, dropping them into a little bowl.  You put that infront of him first before going into the cupboard and pouring some cheerios next to the bowl. Then of course you fill his sippy cup with water before sitting down infront of him at the table while he eats away.

“You’ve got it sooooo easy”, you sigh jokingly at Tony as you fix his socks. He looks up at you and holds out a cheerio with his little tiny fingers. Of course, you can’t say no and you take the little cheerio, pretending to bite his fingers as you do making him giggle and pull his hand back.

You watch him till Maria gets home, then she takes over so you can have alone time.  You start a bath so you can really think about what Peggy said earlier.  To enjoy yourself a little more, you grab that bottle of wine Howard gave to you and pop it open, taking a long swig of it as the tub fills. A tired sigh escapes your lips as the, oh so familiar, aching feeling settles in your chest. Jarvis says you have depression but you don’t like thinking much of it.  Basically, all your life mental illness has never been a thing that was talked about.  Some days are doable, you just have to put on a smile for the world and you’ll get through the day.  Other days you don’t even have the will power to get out of bed or the energy to feed yourself, that’s where the help of Jarvis comes in.  You hate but appreciate the help, sometimes he’ll just lightly knock on the door to check on you or bring you food and water.  You’re so lucky to have him but you hate feeling so useless.

You take another long sip to push the nagging thought away as the tub finally fills.  Your eyes watch the steam float off the water before setting the bottle down and slowly settling into the hot water.  Your back slides down the smooth tub surface so you can lounge back and sink into the water.  A hand runs through your hair , and you shut your eyes trying to relax.

Your mind starts to wonder back to when you and “Winter” aka Bucky were living together.  One of your most vivid memories was from a warm summer night after a long day of work for the both of you.

_“My loooooove”, you sang as you entered the door with a little cup of ice cream you got from work._

_“I’m up here!”, you hear his voice travel down the stairs._

_You bit your lip with excitement as you run upstairs, just the sound of his voice giving you butterflies. “I brought back ice-”, your voice trailed off when you saw what he had done to the bedroom. He had the curtains drawn closed making it dark enough for the candles to make the room glow.  There were  flowers in some old bottles spread out on the dressers and nightstand.  Lastly, he moved the old record up into the room, playing an old classic you two always slow danced to._

_“Would you care to dance?”, he said with a charming smile and an outstretched hand._

_You giggled at how precious this was to you. “What is all of this?”, you asked as you took his hand and slowly started to sway with him._

_“I just wanted to show you how much I love you”, he said in a soft voice as he leaned his face closer to yours._

_You chuckled at his answer and closed the gap between you two, your soft lips pressed against his. “I know how much you love me, silly.”_

_“Well, can I show you some more anyway?”, he said with a cheeky grin._

_You looked up as if you were really thinking about it, “Hmmmm I suppose so.” You couldn’t help hiding the smile on your face as he lifted you up and carried you to the bed.  He gently placed you onto the bed and hovered over your body._

_“I love everything about you”, his breathe tickled the skin of your neck as he kissed back up to your lips.  “You are the greatest thing in my life, and I’m so thankful to have you.”  There was so much love in his voice that it made your heart flutter._

_“Aw, love, you’re so sweet”, you gushed at his words as he smiled down at you.  Your hands ran through his long hair that you loved so much._

_He didn’t want to waste another second before he leaned to kiss you again.  His lips started to move against yours, letting hit tongue brush against your bottom lip._

You hum remembering how amazing his lips used to fit with yours.  Your hands travel down your body the way his did, the feeling not even coming close to him.  The memory only made you feel worse, doing the opposite of what you intended so you reached back over and chugged more of the wine.  It took a lot to make you drunk but as you got to the bottom of the bottle you finally started to feel numb to your thoughts, or so you thought.  

Before you knew it you were fighting back the pained tears that made your chest ache. Your hands go to cover your face in shame, mentally yelling at yourself to stop but you just can’t.  Your sobs echo off the walls so your sit up and bring your knees to your chest. The tears that roll down your cheeks drip into the bath water sending little ripples around you.  God you haven’t seen Bucky in so long.  It was so much easier to not think about him but when you finally did it hit you so hard.  You knew what you had to do now, you had to go see him.


End file.
